Akiba's blog: ""

See what you miss if you don’t attend church regularly…. They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters -- misspellings, bad sentence construction or choice of words all make for fun reading. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ---------------------------------------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." -------------------------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------------------------- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. -------------------------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------------------------- The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." ---- --- --- -------------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ------------------------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. -------------------------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. -------------------------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. ----------------------------------- --------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. -------------------------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. -------------------------- ------------------ The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!