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How to satisfy a woman with 2 1/2 inches
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How to satisfy a woman with 2 1/2 inches?
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Men are like. . . Laxatives. . .
They irritate the crap out of you.
Men are like. . .Bananas. . .
The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like. . .Vacations. . .
They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like. . .Weather. . .
Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like. . .Blenders. . .
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like. . .Chocolate Bars. . .
Sweet, smooth and they usually head
right for your hips.
Men are like. . .Coffee. . .
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you
up all night long.
Men are like. . .Commercials. . .
You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like. . .Department Stores. . .
Their clothes are always one half off.
Men are like. . .Government Bonds. . .
They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like. . .Mascara. . .
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like. . .Popcorn. . .
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like. . .Snowstorms. . .
You never know when they're coming, how
many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
Men are like. . .Lava Lamps. . .
Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like. . .Parking Spots. . .
All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped.
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
Living in 2009
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
thought you'd like....umm...know you'll like :D
1. Dont smoke too much or don't smoke at all. 
2. Work hard.
3. Drink good drinks.
4. Smile as much as you can.
5. Dont look much at the mirror.
6. Change your life routine.
7. Take care of your appearance.
8. Brush your teeth after meals.
9. Make lovely jokes with your friends.
.........
