Legend has it that Chuck Norris' beard was God's first creation. From this spawned the man beneath the beard. God then created woman by taking a single hair from the "Red Bearded Warrior's" hair haven. She was a beautiful creature, but nothing less could have been expected having been plucked from such a cluster of hair laden goodness. Soon after a story was told, that she was approached in the garden by a venomous foe, one that could only be stopped once the Walker Texas Ranger Lever was pulled, and once pulled, this serpent was sent to his eternal damnation in the land of Hades. Time and time again Dante's Inferno would erupt and cast forth wave after wave of evil foes, yet they were no match for the Red Bearded Warrior.
Eventually Norris sent forth is only begotten son. According to the legend, this child became known as Brett Favre or Jack Bower. It is still unsure as to which, however, after years of Total Gym training each of them has become a formidable warrior in their own right. Brett Favre once played a full season with a broken thumb, and it is said that if both of his arms were chopped off, then he would still be able to play the game of football. It is also rumored that if Brett Favre were to shave his beard prior to a football game that by half time the beard would grow back even thicker than before. Jack Bower, on the other hand, has survived 24 hour quandary after 24 hour quandary. Jack Bower's voice alone strikes fear into the hearts of all of his adversaries and many times it has made them pee their pants. That is right; you read correctly, pee their pants.
No matter if it is Bower or Favre, one thing remains constant in this legendary tale, and that is Norris. Norris is unwavering, undaunted, calculated, calm, cool, and collective with each move he makes. His fists are fists of Fury, and they are the only thing he needs to get his point across. If you bow to him then he might spare you, but if you take up arms against him, prepare to have the wrath of the Red-Bearded God king rain down upon you with hellfire rain so hot that it's cold chill will send you into a state of everlasting shock.
You do not have to believe my words, you do not have to believe in the legend, but when it comes time for you final judgment, you better hope that you see the red beard before you, at the time your lever has been pulled. For if you do, you are in the land of Norris. . .You are one of the chosen ones.
By Renowned Chuck Norris Historical Author
-Samuel Lax
(Also be sure to checkout: "Why Norris is Better than You", "How to Grow a Beard in an Hour", "The Man Who Invented No-Shave November", and "The Chuck")
*This writing is far from being historically accurate. Any re-posting of this depiction of “The Legend of Chuck Norris” is prohibited.
WARNING: Violators will be prosecuted via the fists of Norris!!
