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Paulette's blog: "My Ramblings"

created on 09/25/2006  |  http://fubar.com/my-ramblings/b6567

The Hardest Decision

My husband's van just went around the corner and out of my sight. In that van was my dog Pebbles going for the last ride of her life. As I sit here gulping for air between sobs...I wonder if she knew? Was it a relief? Pebbles and her brother Bam Bam came to me as tiny puppies. They were found at a school where the kids were kicking and mistreating them. Pebbles' shoulder had been injured somehow and we were told later in life it might bother her. That was about 14 years ago. About a month ago, she suddenly started falling over..like she was dizzy or something. So we took her to the vet and he said all of the cartilage was gone in her shoulder..it was now bone on bone. The reason she was falling over was because she was in so much pain. She couldn't put pressure on her leg at all. So we decided to try some steroids. Well, that didn't work. We tried another medication, that didn't work. she soon stopped walking all together. We tried shots...nope..didn't work. But thru all of this her appetite was good and she was very alert. She followed me with her eyes everywhere I went. But seeing her lay there..was just too much. Knowing I wasn't strong enough to make the decision I told my husband he'd have to do it. I asked him to please not tell me when he was taking her. Well I went out this morning to feed her and she was gone. I asked him where she was and he said he was giving her a bath in our grooming shop. Whew..I was relieved! He came up a little while ago..without her..and left early to go get our kids from school..he drove his van and not mine..and I know why without asking..I'm so scared to ask..but I know.....he took her away....now I'm filled with guilt because I never said goodbye...I'm so sorry Pebbles...
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