Just A Min's blog: "Ravings of a mad Min"

So here I am... the proverbial Tom Boy, the chick from all the beginning parts of movies... the one so many girls THINK they are. But it's me, I am more comfortable in cleats than I will ever be in even sandals let alone heels. I can throw a football further than a lot of guys I know, I am a couch cuddling fiend during NFL season from Sunday through Monday in order to ses optimal number of games... I enjoy watching other sports if someone is willing to explain them to me and I had my time playing football as well. I love motorcycles like you would not believe, my father and brothers had me tearing down and wrenching on bikes before I could sit to hold them upright on top of one and the passion runs deep. The downside? My friends have always been guys, I don't give excuses of it being less drama or girls being problematic... I just get men on the friend level... unfortunately this means I get friendzoned far too easily and i don't know how to rectify it. You've probably seen the movie My Best Friends Wedding at some point? I lived that.... literally, right down to my red hair and being the best man at his big day... except his wife... she has red hair too. And I continue to repeat the cycle for some reason, I never figured out how to unleash the girly stuff. 

I currently have someone in my life who is a miraculous man, he's so much of what I desire in someone, I had a night where we connected (or so I thought) a few years ago, I didn't let anything other than kisses and falling asleep cuddled together happen because we were both fresh out of relationships and he was drinking. Well that opportunity was missed, he was soon in another relationship, then I was, then our friendship was sailing along and my feelings kepe getting pushed back and denied... well about 5 months ago I was prompted by a large number of mutual friends not to deny my feelings becasue they were so certain he had feelings for me and he was single. Well there was a small window of opportunity but I didn't know how to approach it, I was scared. One night I was supposed to be going fishing with him and some friends the next morning, we were all crashing at his place that night, I was gearing myself up to talk to him, but suddenly there's a new girl on the scene. She's been the girlfriend for the past 5 months. 

2 weeks ago she dumped him, he's not where she thinks he should be in life blah blah blah. SO now he's busting his ass trying to change who he is and where he's at to get her back, it's breaking my heart but I don't feel right rushing in this soon to shout feelings from the rooftops. I also don't want to miss another chance. I am in such a state of turmoil. I am also feeling like i'm getting mixed signals. I get phone calls and texts from him asking to spend time because I make his mood better, I keep him out of a funk, he goes out of his way to make sweet gestures, to take me to lunch, to buy me a coffee or one of my favorite drinks when we're stopped or when we're out. He asks me to show up at his karaoke shows and guarantees me a ride home so I will go for sure. I am at a loss of how to feel and how to proceed. I hate being so confused and so scared.