Over 16,529,910 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
Last night I took one of my more nostalgic pipes, a large pot with a wide open draw, opened an old tin of Escudo, a round disk shaped tobacco with a black center, and eased into the comfort of the slow draw and the lazy smoke encircling my head. Two days ago I took a rare couple of Xanax during the day, actually using them for anxiety.
Christmas 2012 might be marked by things other than Peace on Earth, Good Will, the economy hanging by a thread on how many presents are under trees, Jesus’s birthday, fat jolly geriatrics in a convertible rig pulled by Norwegian deer. It might be marked by the complete unraveling of this old dawg.
I have medical charts out in the wind and a singular lack of phone calls telling me to come on in on such a such date. Sunny seems to have disappeared; I can’t get divorced without her. I haven’t been able to feel the two most driver side fingers or the palm beneath them in my driver’s side paw for over two months now, maybe three. In a week I will run out of my artificial means of sleep and have no natural means.
What about the person I do Not Speak Of directly here? Laid up with back spasms. It’s more complicated than it sounds.
Merry motherfucking Christmas yo.
Ah, I’m just being difficult; I don’t really have any feelings about this Christmas one way or the other. It hasn’t really gotten in my way. I also haven’t really participated but don’t have any particular guilt about it either. There will be a convergence of odd vibes, yeah I know, how much odder could it get, coming to town here close to the tis the season to be jolly season.
I am a cynical optimist, like anyone else who uses any combination of those descriptors, I think of myself as a realist. We’re all mistaken. At best reality is sort of subjective, these are not “at best” times. If reality were a bell curve both feet would be touching and making a valentines heart shape. Yes, I am suggesting things are bent. I would love to suggest it’s just me, I would take the hit for the team, the human race that is, but I can’t in all honesty make that suggestion. I’m just a witness to at least half the weird shit going on in the world, and have been so absorbed in my own and my loved ones that I’m not even a reliable witness to the worlds weird shit, but it looks like every earth blind rabid thing is crawling out of their holes in the ground and in the human psyche.
Not trying to scare anyone, though if you aren’t already scared you either haven’t been paying attention or you are shaking the dirt from the fur covering your eyes. I guess it’s my penance for not participating in October flash Friday horror flashes. December has decided to be flash non-fiction horror month. Worse yet, my phone and computer only have daylight savings automatic settings; there is no setting for the apocalypse. I don’t even know how to hedge my apocalypse bets; do I accept Jesus in my heart? Should I bring a mountain to Muhammad? Sit under a Cyprus tree (Shit, that’s not right is it?) like Buddha? Pretend Darwin really is the father of modern atheism? Or do I really need to make a bloody shrine to Quetzalcoatl? Ra? Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva? I really need more Ativan for the apocalypse.
Happy Holidays y’all. Strap in, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. You must be as tall as Mickeys hand to ride the end of times.
