I originally posted this as a blog of mine on MySpace, then shot it to a good friend of mine who you folks will know here as "Rainbowfuckinbright" in response to one of her blogs. On her advise, I am posting it here. I genuinely hope it helps even one person reconsider suicide (and if you get the chance to visit Rianbow's site, check it out. (She's on my friend's listing)........
Well, I am a Medic on a volunteer basis. I do this because I love saving lives, helping people and letting them know that things can ALWAYS get worse, and most assuredly will eventually get better. I've run many attempted suicide cases, and sadly, some do not make it. I always tell them "Suicide is a permanent and selfish solution to a temporary problem. It leaves others to deal with permanent loss of someone in their lives who they love." Regardless of what you think, even the most reclusive teen touches so many lives. There are the parents. (Some say their parents do not care and are abusive...and some ARE abusive, and also need some kind of help, but they do ALL care.) By killing themselves, it's not getting back at anyone. It's giving in without a fight. You want to get back at someone who insults you, picks on you, cheats on you, beats you up, etc. Do it in a way that will throw it in their faces for the rest of their lives. Become the next Bill Gates, the next Martial Arts Sensei, find someone who deserves the love you have to offer and cherishes you more than their own life, suceed and be happy no matter how hard you have to work at it and how long it takes. Compare what it is that is making you want to die, to someone with terminal cancer who fights for, and thanks the Gods for every breath no matter how painful , that comes from their lips. If you are that terminal patient, leave a mark on the world. Show them how meaningless material items are and how priceless true love and friendships are. Be thankful for every breath and don't go into that pine box and cold earth without clawing, kicking and screaming to stay one more minute in sunlight, feeling cool wind wisp across your face, and smell fresh cut grass in the air. No matter how glamorous books, movies, or even the bible make death. I, who have held the hands of so many as they were exhaling their last breath despite my efforts, can tell you. It's nothing glamorous at all. You won't be pretty as a corpse. No one will smile because you died. Your body will do terrible things as it instinctively fights to survive. It will be painful. It will be scarier than anything you will ever know while living. Above all else, you will NOT want it in the end. I promise you. You will be looking into the eyes of a medic if you're lucky and someone found you in time to get one before you die. You will fight to breath and then your lungs will not work. A bag will cover your nose and mouth and someone will be breathing for you, which hurts. You will most likely vomit, and hopefully won't inhale it and die while it burns your lungs from the inside. You may get intubated. You will have needles in your arms, and drugs pushed to try and help you which have their own effects on the body which are not natural. Then, in the worst case scenario, your heart will stop. That will feel like a horse kicking you in the chest. Then CPR will start, electrical pads will be used, and ribs will be broken. Most suicides are not quick. People miscalculate with the positioning of the gun, where they stab or cut, the type of pills they take, etc. This will mean you WILL suffer greatly. If you succeed, then you've hurt your friends for all eternity. They may even grow to hate you. Why do it? Just find a positive way to get revenge on those that make you feel this badly. Make the world know they have underestimated what you can do. Let them know that you won't just lay down and die, but fight to win. Never say "Nobody cares, and no one else will get hurt." I care and I hurt more than you will ever know everytime I have to tell the parents and friends that I was beaten again by death. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. And yes, a big masculine 6'1" 240# man does cry when that happens ....everytime.
