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"Men have two emotions "HORNY" and "HUNGRY" so if you see him without an erection make him a sandwich!"
"If electricity comes from electrons , does morality come from "MORONS?"
"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her
sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her
groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and
enlarges what is given to her."
So - if you give her crap, you will receive a bucket full of sh*t!
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEKEND
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
PONDERISMS
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
BUT MOST OF ALL REMEMBER!!!!!
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Confucius Say::::::::
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Wife who put
husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
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Man who fight with
wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails
to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Man who drive like
hell, bound to get there.
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Man who stand on
toilet is high on pot.
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Man who live in
glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in
other man's well often catch crabs.
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Crowded elevator
smell different to midget.
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Virginity like
bubble, one pric*, all gone.
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Man who run in
front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind
car get exhausted.
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Man with hand in
pocket feel coc*y all day.
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Foolish man give
wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright
organ.
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Man with one
chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch as*
should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many
prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong:
man with four balls cannot walk.
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