So last night I revealed on twitter that I have never been to a strip club in my life. Of course like some of you a lot of people were shocked. It’s not the fact that I lived in Atlanta which is the Strip club capital of the world. I think it’s the fact that I blog about sex and dingle berries and have yet to step into the place that exudes “sex”. I’m sorry, but I just never thought “Oh shit I’m gonna hit that tittay bar tonight.” That has never ever entered my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with strippers…well I don’t like and can’t stand male strippers. They all buff with their fake d*cks and they smell like musty cum…but besides that I don’t dislike female strippers. I don’t think I can dislike female strippers because a stripper saved my life once. #TrueStory I just don’t have anything to learn from them.
So with this whole stripper talk last night, a few men in my timeline said they’ve dated a stripper or two and revealed that it is totally different than dating a “regular” chick…and I say regular loosely. Apparently a stripper girlfriend is what’s hot in the streets. One of the things I was told about being with a stripper is they’re more open-minded when it comes to trying new things in the bedroom. I guess that’s why all of the men are f*cking with strippers and leaving the lame women to fend for themselves. Heck haven’t you noticed a trend with rappers and their love for the all mighty shoe models? The ability to p*ssy pop can get you that ring, or at least a fierce ass pair of shoes. Either way, I think strippers have actually been winning for a minute. Men have someone who actually gives a damn about sex maybe a little more than they do. They can shake their ass faster than Amber Rose can spread hers. Wait…wasn’t she a stripper??? SEE STRIPPERS ARE WINNING SON!!!
Now you see the everyday woman wanting to release their inner stripper. Taking pole dancing lessons, doing amateur night at the local strip joint trying to conjure up some sort of freak for their men. Learning how to make that ass clap and practicing how to pop that coochie, so Romelo don’t go to the strip club every night. It’s like you gotta learn how to stand on your head, spin counter clockwise while sucking a d*ck to keep a man’s attention nowadays. You got old ass women going out and buying poles to put in their bedrooms so Rufus can still find her attractive. I overheard the most disturbing conversation one of my former co-workers had with someone. Ok so she’s old right…like bitch should be retired but the company ain’t forced her yet. She said she bought a pole to practice on so when she did find a man she can have all the tricks down. *Look of horror while I vomit in my mouth* Do you see what women are going through just to get a man and keep him remotely happy? Old women gotta do young girl things to still be relevant.
Again, if you’re a stripper and reading this blog…I appreciate you. Well unless you’re a man stripper…I don’t like you people at all with your sweaty asses. Anyway, strippers are cool and I guess one day I gotta hit a tittay bar. All I know is I gotta go with a gang of folks and we gotta be drinking, because I know I will be one uncomfortable ass chick up in the strip club. Maybe we can learn a thing or two from strippers. Like, the benefits of the stripper clear heels. I always wondered, why the clear heels? Does it give the illusion of “I take off my clothes if you put money in my panties?” Or the infamous stripper bullet wound. Are you a real stripper if you have a bullet wound? Do the men get turned on by the thought of the hot bullet piercing your baby oil’d flesh? Let me know.
By the by the second if I go to a strip club *which I might do for my birthday next month* I will definitely let you know how the experience changed my life.