Rasko69's blog: "stuff"

As I think of all
The years gone by
Of the dreams that time did bend
I can’t help but wonder
Where and when
This trail will come to end

Will I be forced
To stand alone
As I try to face the day
Or will I find love
And a gentle touch
To help me find the way

There was a time
Of hopeful dreams
And joy came with each day
And though it was
But years ago
It seems a lifetime away

I do not know
Where that young man went
His eyes did shine so bright
But I miss him
Just as I miss her
Each and every night

In the days of youth
The world was but
An oyster in its shell
With each failed attempt
To open it…
I found another kind of Hell

I found the Hell
Of knowing that
All I held so dear
I couldn’t have
Despite my dreams
But, God, it felt so near

It felt so close
I was so sure
I could touch it any day
But now it feels
Within my heart
So very far away

What I wanted most
Was just someone
Special to call my own
And I’d hold her close
Through every night
And we’d have a happy home

I had not dreams
Of grand design
Nor of mansions in the air
Just an honest love
To withstand time
But I find there’s no one there

Every night I lie
In my bed alone
And I rise each day the same
I have no one
To share my life
No one to share my name

I walk the days
With a painted smile
And I feign a happy heart
And when someone says
“Friend, how are you?”
I gladly play the part

But deep inside
Im so alone
And though surrounded by my friends
I have an empty
Void inside
And the bottom never ends

My friends are great
I love them all
And I know that they mean well
But when they say
“Friend, how are you?”
They don’t want me to tell

For as long as I
Say all is fine
Then they don’t have to deal
With the emptiness
With the loneliness
That every night I have to feel

So I spare them
For if I say
How I really feel
I know they’ll say
“Oh, it’s all right,
It’s really no big deal”

But they go home
To where they live
To where they have a spouse
And I go home
To sleep alone again
In this empty little house

You see for me
It’s a “big deal”
I face it every day
Every night I face
The empty void
Of wanting love to stay

I can’t run away
And hide from it
Although I’d like to try
For every night
When I look at it
A piece of my soul dies

And I don’t know
How many nights
I can take and still be me
Im afraid one day
The man I am
Will be a part of history

He’ll be replace
By someone else
Someone who shows emptiness
The once gentle eyes
Will be replaced
By ones of bitterness

The lonely nights
They do strange things
To a man once brave and bold
They take the laughter,
The warmth of heart
Then turn it to something cold

I don’t want to be
That man I see
Standing down that lonely path
But he comes closer
Every night
And that tears my heart in half

For there’s so much love
Inside of me
I have so much to give
But shattered dreams
And broken hearts
Have took my will to live

Yet I live on
Despite the pain
Though no one can understand
I fake a smile
While deep inside
Im a hurt and broken man

Now I find you
And you give me hope
Even though Im afraid to share
You let me stay
Or you let me go
And you’ve got the nerve to care

You see my Love
I’ve been so hurt
That Im afraid to let it go
And only when
We’re both alone
Can I let my feelings show

It scares me so
To even think
Of letting you inside
‘Cause I’ve done it before
And when she left
The man I was then died

I don’t see why
You hang on to me
Do you see a diamond in the rough?
Or will you come
To me one day
And say you’ve had enough

Then will you leave
And take with you
My heart, my very soul
Knowing all along
I must face it
Every night as I grow old

Oh, why does love
Come to an end
Why does it always go away?
Why can’t I have
That Special One
To hold precious every day

But for now I’ll stay
Just where I am
And keep distance from you
It’s not because
I do not care
I just know not what else to do

But I want you to know
That every night
As I lay down to sleep
I pray to God
To stop the pain
And give me someone to keep

Are you her?
I do not know
And Im afraid to say
But every night
I face the void
Then struggle through the day

So when you see me
Once again
Tell me in your special way
That it’s all right
For me to feel the pain
But that I’ll be OK

Then give to me
That loving kiss
Let me feel that special touch
Then look at me
For what I am
With those eyes I love so much

Let me know
That Im allowed
To grieve for something dead
To feel the pain
Then to let it go
And get it out of my head

Don’t be like the rest
Please look with me
Stand beside and hold my hand
For I can’t face it
All alone
Not in this empty land

‘Cause it’s not all right
Part of me died
But it would help more than you know
To have someone
Who’ll stand beside
And to know she will not go

For I can never love
With all my heart
I can never let it be
‘Till Im allowed
To feel the pain
Then put it behind me

‘Til I can say
“It’s no big deal”
I can not allow myself
To love again
I must put my dream
To gather dust upon a shelf

I do not know
How long that will take
I dare not to even guess
For every night
When I face that void
It makes my soul a mess

You see every night
When I look down
Into that empty space
I see the remains
Of what life was
And tears come to my face

Then I cry so hard
From so deep inside
Though no one else can hear
When I see the love
That could have been
And I shed a silent tear

But perhaps one day
When I trust again
And can believe it to be right
I’ll put aside the pain
And be allowed to feel
Your loving arms…Every Night

As I sit in my corner and think about your lies,
I have nothing else to do but break down and cry.
You knew it would end,
You knew it would die,
You knew one day we’d have to say goodbye.
You told me you loved me,
You told me you cared
But the rage inside had slowly flared.
The moments we shared replay in my head
Along with all the sweet lies you said.
You thought it was a game
You thought you’d win
But in the end you felt nothing within.
Deep down inside there was a big empty space
That I now realize you couldn’t replace.
Something about you helped me see
That without love I’m finally free.
Free from pain,
Free from lies,
Free from having tear filled eyes.
Without your love I finally see
All the horrid things you’ve come to be.

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
 
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it only takes a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be; because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.

10.  The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live life so that when you die...you are the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted

1. You've gotta 'introduce' yourself to Mr. Penis, i.e., 'Hi! I'm Shirley! Nice to meet ya, big guy!'. Don't dive on him like he's a raw piece of meat and you're a starving pitbull! Be gentle. Stroke him nice and easy. Make friends first.

2. When (Not 'IF') giving oral sex, don't suck so hard that you make an industrial vacuum cleaner appear as a dust buster and suck the man's eyeballs out of his sockets. Mr. Penis is a sensitive 'guy'. Be gentle. Contrary to your practicing techniques in high school, the one who 'Melts' the popsicle first is not the winner.

3. When sitting on top of a man, don't move too far forward or back. Up and down is fine. What you're gonna do if you do move too far forward and back is rip Mr. Penis right off Mr. Man's crotch. Mr. Penis is not made for that action. And, VERY Important. When going up and down, if you should go up a little too high and Mr. Penis pops out, remember you are not a basketball net, and Mr. Penis is not the ball... your aim is not that good, you're 100 + Lbs, and this little Newton thingy called gravity will seriously injure Mr. Penis.

4. Hand jobs - When stroking a Mr. Penis don't grab him like a bus rail and start jerking him like you were milking a cow. Don't treat Mr. Penis as a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. Remember friction is the problem... lubrication is the cure.

5. Proper care of Mr. Penis - like anyone you wanna keep around for a while you've gotta take good care of him just as you do your dildo or your car. Wash him off after and dry him - gently. Oil him frequently, and have him park in the garage as often as you can. Never bend, fold spindle or mutilate. You'll get years of use out of him that way.

6. If Mr. Penis appears uninterested, he's just being coy, refer back to step #1 again. If no response, then you sure gave him a good workout the first time. Good for you!

7. Never, ever play 'crush the grapes' with Mr. Penis's two friends, Mr. Balls. Nothing can make Mr. Penis shrink faster. Not even ice or a nude Pic of Janet Reno and the Queen Mother playing chess at the Naturalist beach last July.

8. If you're a golfer, never use Mr. Penis as a tee.

9. If Mr. Penis can't 'throw up' then his owner worked too hard on pleasing you. Be thankful. If Mr. Penis spits too soon, be proud that you had that effect on him... not everyone can get him to do that.

10. If you don't want Mr. Penis so deep, don't say, 'Shit! Not that deep! What are you doing... drilling for oil?' Say, 'Wow you're much bigger than I thought. Could you take it a little easier on me?' And never, never say 'Is it in?'

 

You say that you love

me day after day,

You show it so well

in the lies that you say.

You say that you love

me day after day,

Never able to forget

the day you strayed.

You say that you love

me day after day,

I bet you love me

while in his bed you lay.

You say that you love

me day after day,

Yet to this day my

heart you still play.

You say that you love

me day after day,

After all the years

I must back away.

You say that you love

me day after day,

Guess what your words

can no longer sway.

You say that you love

me day after day,

Listen up close cause these

will be the last words I say.

You say that you love

me day after day,

Get the fuck out of my life

I don't want you to stay.

“Reflections”

Darkness resides over

a world that use to be me,

Trying to resist but

unable to ever break free...

Yearning to see a reflection not of

myself but of the person I could not be,

Cursed by a harsh slit of reality

grasping on daily like the roots of a tree.

Thoughts of why can't

I just hold on to one dream,

Pain pours out I just

wanna let go and scream!

This is my life not

glamorous as you can see,

But one day the darkness

will fade this I guarantee!

Homeless for now

must stride to succeed,

Standing with my cart

hopes that someone

hears my plead..

I never meant to lose

myself but each day I fade,

Concealed behind my mask held

high like I'm going to a masquerade!

Wait those weren't my

words that I just said!!!

Must have been my alter

ego I named him Ed...

I'm really quite normal

please listen to me...

I want to once again be

part of this so called society

Reality You can deceive others, you can even deceive yourself, but you can never fool Reality.,