Sammie Gyrl's blog: "Starting to wonder..."

I am trying to keep my head up. Trying to fordge forward but it seems like every time I take a step forward I just get pushed back down on my ass. I have to say I am really tired of it and am starting to wonder if I have done something in my life time to deserve this shit. I am a good person. Very caring and for the ones I hold dearly I would do most anything. Hell I even go out of my way to help people I dont really care for. Yet I keep getting shit on. WTF??? I know they say that God only gives you what you can handle. I have to say I really wish he didn't have so much confidence in me. The most recent example, I have been very depressed for a long time now. Didnt really care how my house looked or me for that matter. This person comes into my life and slowly that changed. I was becoming happy. Then just like he came in, he slipped right back out. Why??? Why give me something that makes me happy just to rip it away? What did I do to deserve this??? I don't want alot. I just want someone in my life who knows me and still cares about me and wants me around. I also want to be able to pay my bills when they are due. Not the next month. I just wish I could win the lottery or something. I am not asking for alot of money. Just enough to get me caught up and get the things I need taken care of, done. I know this isnt a great blog but it is things I just wanted to get off my chest. Cant do it on FB because then I have to answer 100 questons from people I know personally. Dont really care to do that so here is a great spot. :)