I'm more stacked than Ihops pancakes
I didn't vote for George Bush
April 2oth is my New Years
95% of the time I go commando
I always stop to pet dogs outside of grocery stores
I'm slippery when wet
I only use the rail when I walk down the stairs 30% of the time ( I love to walk the line ya know)
I've never read Playboy for the articles
I'll make you laugh
I'll never under cook the eggs
I'll never drink your last beer
I'll pretend I didn't see you look at that chick with the big boobs
I'll always be impressed with how strong you are
I know that handcuffs aren't just for the cops
I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop
I won't steal the vicoden out of your medicine cabinet
I'll take care of you when you're sick and sometimes just because I think you're the sh*t
I'll make fun of you
I like porn
I've got a sweet 420 hook up
I think chicks are hot
I have my hood pierced
I pump my own gas
I've got cookies
I don't chew tobacco
I take a shower every day, twice even sometimes
I like it when you pull my hair
I'll let you beat me at pool
I'll keep working until I chip away at your walls
I don't care that you go out with the boys
I don't eat crackers in bed too often
I think it's hot when you come home all dirty from playing hard
I like it when dogs sleep in the bed
I can't stand the mall
My tongue is pierced
I've never eaten a bon-bon in my life
My closet comes equipped with a sh*tload of wife beaters
I'd never ask you to go to lunch with my mother
When you wash the dishes it turns me on
My heart will jump every time you walk through the door
I'll save everything you ever give me
I won't ever forget your birthday, and remind you when mine is coming
I can pee standing up (it's totally gross though)
You just can't stop reading this!
I know where to put in the oil, and have even done it it
I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know
I think pizza and a game at the sports bar down the street is the ideal date
I won't fuck your friends
I won't fuck your brother
What the hell is "in the box"?
I always open a window when I paint
I've never been on Americas Most Wanted
The only drama I have any part of is on t.v.
I don't care if you watch my girly movies with me
I've got tattoos
My kisses will take your breath away
I dig public sex
I don't care if you leave your socks on
My best friend isn't a guy
I never drive faster than 30 mph in a school zone
My weird habits you'll find adorable
You'll sleep better when I'm next to you
I have a membership at video stores
I'd fuck Angelina Jolie too
I'll thank you every time you open the door
I'll never waste your love
I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny
I'd never give you sh*tin front of your friends
It gets better every time
Use as much salt as you want I don't care
I won't ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch
I'll help you find your keys
I don't have a big brother, so you don't have to worry about getting your ass kicked ever
I've always got stoner food
We can watch your movie first
I've never owned anything Hello Kitty
I eat red meat
I'll clean the house perfect every time your mom comes
I'll always have smooth legs
I like it when my hair gets messed up
My family is just as fucked up as yours
I'll always want more
I like horror movies
I smell pretty good most of the time
When I can I give to charity
I can be ready in 30 minutes or less
I lose at arm wrestling every time
I've got dirty pictures of me on my computer
I look both ways before I cross the street
I have cable and HBO
I never look directly into the sun
I'll look cute in your shirt
I'm not a virgin
You're hotter and more hilarious than anyone I know
I'll show you my boobs at the store when nobody's looking
I still get carded almost every time I get booze
I won't ever leave makeup on your shoulder
I'll help you not to forget your moms birthday
I would never yell "fire" in a crowded theatre
I"m really good at sneaking food into the movies
I'll never say 'nothings wrong' when there really is
I know how to hold my own hair back when I puke
I've never cried over spilt milk
I have never stabbed anyone in the eye
I've never smuggled drugs out of the country
I don't care if you eat dinner without a shirt
I think it's hot when you masturbate
I never overload the washer
What else have you got to do?
I know that whipped cream goes on more than sundaes
I've never auditioned for American Idol
I don't eat yellow snow
I like it when you talk to your friends about me in bed
My sunday morning breakfasts will change your life
My chin fits 'just right' in your shoulder when you hold me close
I'll understand if you get jealous
I'm just that good
I never had sexual relations with Bill Clinton or anyone named Bill ever
I've never been on Jerry Springer
You won't be able to get me out of your head
I'll let you drive every time if you want
I buy a new toothbrush every time the blue wears down
I know that objects in the mirror are bigger than they appear
I would never smoke the last bowl
I would never send you to the store for tampons
Flowers will get you laid every time
I've never gotten caught lip syncing on SNL
I have clean socks that you can borrow if you run out
I never leave the engine running while I'm pumping gas
I never run with scissors
I've taken the Coke/Pepsi challenge and won
Almost every time I have a winning bottle top
I know how to keep a secret
If you spell something wrong I just think it's cute
I've never failed a survey
I can almost every time find Waldo
I never put my fingers in the light socket
I'm a aries
I have all my shots
It's okay I don't really expect you to last longer than 10 minutes anyways
I'm pretty d*mn funny
I'm not a doctor and I've never played one on t.v. either
I don't care if you eat off my plate
When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet
I know the difference between they're, their, and there
You really kinda would dig having someone to cuddle with on the couch
I know how to get stains out of tshirts
I know how to leave you satisfied and hungry for more every time
I'm really good at making lists
After reading this far you've already got too much invested anyways