OK well if you ever wonder when you read these why I am just so sad all the time well I'm not. I'm not good with my emotions and sometimes typing them is the only way I can get them out. If I just let it built up It just gets ugly when I'm pissed off. I've been thinking a lot about my dad lately. I don't know why but I just miss him so much. I've delt with his death alot better then my brother but it just gets so hard sometimes to hold the tears back. He died July 4th 2005. Just about 3 weeks before my birthday. He never got to meet Nichaols and whenever some says that hes looking down and how much he'd love Nicholas I can't fight the tears back. What pisses me off is the day he died my Uncle and Grandpa came to get my brother and I. All they told us was our dad wasnt doing good when they knew damn well he had already died. We spent that whole fucking car ride to that hospital thinking we were going to see him. As soon as we got there they stuck us in a damn waiting room and told us he had died at 10am. I don't think I've ever cried so much before in my life. I try not to show that it bothers me but somedays I just wish he was here. When I go out sometimes and come home I always gotta look for him in his chair cuz I always think that's where he is gonna be. I'm close to my mom but I've never been able to talk to her like I could my dad and now I just don't feel like I can talk with anyone.....
