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KissyKat's blog: "something funny"

created on 03/31/2009  |  http://fubar.com/something-funny/b288280

two nuns and a blind man

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice gazongas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

 HAVE U EVER WATCHED KIDS
ON A MERRY-GO-ROUND?
OR LISTENED TO THE RAIN?
SLAPPING ON THE GROUND?
EVER FOLLOWED A BUTTERFLY'S ERRATIC FLIGHT?
OR GAZED AT THE SUN INTO THE FADING NIGHT?
U BETTER SLOW DOWN.
DON'T DANCE SO FAST.
TIME IS SHORT.
THE MUSIC WONT LAST.
DO YOU RUN THOUGHT EACH DAY
ON THE FLY
WHEN YOU ASK HOW ARE YOU?
DO YOU HEAR THE REPLY?
WHEN THE DAY IS DONE
DO YOU LIE IN YOUR BED
WITH THE NEXT HUNDRED CHORES
RUNNING THOUGHT YOUR HEAD
YOU'D BETTER SLOW DOWN
DON'T DANCE SO FAST
TIME IS SHORT
THE MUSIC WON'T LAST
EVER TOLD YOUR CHILD,
WE'LL DO IT TOMORROW
AND UN YOUR HASTE
NOT SEE HIS SORROW
EVER LOST TOUCH,
LET A GOOD FRIENDSHIP DIE
CAUSE YOU NEVER HAD TIME
TO CALL AND SAY,"HI"
YOU'D BETTER SLOW DOWN
DON'T DANCE SO FAST.
TIME IS SHORT
THE MUSIC WON'T LAST
WHEN YOU RUN SO FAST TO GET SOMEWHERE
YOU MISS HALF THE FUN OF GETTING THERE
WHRN YOU WORRY AND HURRY THRUGHT YOUR DAY,
ITS IS LIKE AN UNOPENED GIFT...
THROWN AWAY.
LIFE IS NOT A RACE.
DO TAKE IT SLOWER
HEAR THE MUSIC
BEFORE THE SONG IS OVER
THE MUSIC WONT LAST.
DO YOU RUN THOUGHT EACH DAY
ON THE FLY
WHEN YOU ASK HOW ARE YOU?
DO YOU HEAR THE REPLY?
WHEN THE DAY IS DONE
DO YOU LIE IN YOUR BED
WITH THE NEXT HUNDRED CHORES
RUNNING THOUGHT YOUR HEAD
YOU'D BETTER SLOW DOWN
DON'T DANCE SO FAST
TIME IS SHORT
THE MUSIC WON'T LAST
EVER TOLD YOUR CHILD,
WE'LL DO IT TOMORROW
AND UN YOUR HASTE
NOT SEE HIS SORROW
EVER LOST TOUCH,
LET A GOOD FRIENDSHIP DIE
CAUSE YOU NEVER HAD TIME
TO CALL AND SAY,"HI"
YOU'D BETTER SLOW DOWN
DON'T DANCE SO FAST.
TIME IS SHORT
THE MUSIC WON'T LAST
WHEN YOU RUN SO FAST TO GET SOMEWHERE
YOU MISS HALF THE FUN OF GETTING THERE
WHRN YOU WORRY AND HURRY THRUGHT YOUR DAY,
ITS IS LIKE AN UNOPENED GIFT...
THROWN AWAY.
LIFE IS NOT A RACE.
DO TAKE IT SLOWER
HEAR THE MUSIC
BEFORE THE SONG IS OVER

Incident at Cabela's

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?' He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.' She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.' She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around? The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.' The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?' He replies, 'Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.
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