My Dad died in 1989. This is important for many reasons, but for this post, it's important because the day he died, my mother was in having her left breast removed due to cancer. If anyone would have had any idea that he was going to die that day, I'm sure she would have put off what she was having done. She was like that, always putting off what was important to her for the sake of anyone that happened to need her for anything. I know this to be true, because there were five of us kids that always needed something, and she always managed to find the time and the energy to take care of everything thrown at her.
This was an amazing feat, not just because five kids are a handful, but because she also worked full-time in an General Motors iron pouring foundry. She was thrown into that situation in 1962, right after my father had his first heart-attack. He wasn't expected to live over 6 months, so she did what she had to do, and became one of the very first women hired at that place.
It never even seemed to slow her down. She was always there for baseball games, plays, and the countless other things that five kids get themselves into. She was there as I got married, had a daughter, got divorced, and in general, lived life.
That's when 1989 came along. She found a small lump and had it tested. they said it couldn't wait to be removed. Dad had been feeling poorly, but that wasn't unusal for the way things had been going, so she scheduled the surgery. He died while she was in recovery. Not only did she have to be told that her husband was now gone, she had to be told that the surgey did not go well and she was probably going to have more trouble.
In a true mother's fashion, she held her head as high as she could and told everyone that she would be leaving the hospital the next morning. Of course, the doctor sdaid that there was no way this could be done, and at that point she told him that there was no choice, she was not going to make her kids plan a funeral for their father, that was something she needed to do herself.
Sure as can be, the next morning, full of medication, she crawled out of that bed and went with us to plan a funeral. We tried talking her out of it, but she wouldn't hear any of it. That's when I got a clue as to what it means to be a mother..
After the funeral and a few days of recoverey time, I offerd to move her to where I was living so she wouldn't have to be alone in that big old house. She smiled and told me that she raised her family and lived her life in that house, and there was no way in hell she was moving out of it. She would stay there with her memories. That's when I learned how a mother thinks.
Being the only single kid, the rest of the family got together and asked if I could move back and watch over her. There was never any doubt, I did as I had learned, I sold my piece of the business I owned, dumped my house and moved back to where I was needed. For the next four years I was taught what it means to be strong. She continued taking her chemo and all that medication, but nothing helped and she got slowly worse as the cancer spread to various parts of her body. It came to the point that we had to put a baby-monotor system in our rooms in case she needed anything during the night. Sometimes she would forget that it was there and I would hear her praying in the middle of the night, not for herself, but praying that God would watch over her kids after he called her home. Then I would listen as she told him that she was more than ready, the pain was more than she could stand, and she was just to sick to go on.
Then the morning would come and she would do her best to carry on like she was on top of the world..She didn't know I knew her real feelings, and I think it was better that way. I know it was for her. She would have never said a word if she had thought it might upset any of her kids...
On March 20, 1993, she woke up and didn't know who I was. She was sick and she was scared and there was nothing anyone could do. We got her to the hospital and after some checking, the doctors told us that it wouldn't be long...her liver was failing and her brain was in a pretty bad shape.
She lived through the day and into the night, but at around 1:00 am. her liver gave out and she passed away.
We had all seen it coming for a while, but the rest of the family was sad. I was sad too, but I also felt such a great joy that there would be no more pain for her, and no more hiding her feelings from her kids. You see, I learned that that's what mother's do.
They do whatever it takes and whatever is needed to get through another day.
If there is any point to all of this rambling,
I guess it would be to tell each and every one of you to hold your mother dearly and to cherish every memory you have. While times are good and when they are rough, for no matter what happens in life, your mother will be the one that loves you and protects you, no matter what the cost is to her, and the lessons you learn from her will be with you for the rest of your life.
If you're a mother, hug your kids, live your life the best you can, because you never know what lessons your child will carry away with them.
