Lorie's blog: "So this is what happens"

On July 26, 1997 a couple was married and never expected to see the day they would celebrate ten years of marriage. Despite all of that they have overcome a lot in ten years, which is not what was to be expected. I never thought I would be married to the same man for ten years, much less stay married for more than five. I never could imagine my life being married for a long time and here I am ten years later, and I am still married to the same guy. What a big feat I think it is. It's bad when you don't believe in what you can do in your life and you simply just go for second best in life. If you have someone that can make you melt just by looking at you, the best advice is realize that he still might be able to surprise you in ways you would never imagine. Yes we have had arguments that were very heated which ended up with me in tears and him slamming doors, but we learned in the beginning to never stay in the same reoom with each other after an argument. Yes, this week, we have had a couple of heated arguments but we got over them. Surprisingly enough we both knew what was going on. But I will say that ten years from now, I want to be able to say that I knew what I could change and what I couldn't change worked to our advantage. I don't want to be like my sister who is now divorced after only three years of marriage. We'll see what happens ten years from now. So, Happy Anniversary to me.....

Now, I am beginning to regret the fact that I took my vacation with my husband after all. Sunday we had a minor disagreement, which we are both to the point that we had to keep our tempers in check, but then last night our friend Bill came out and was installing a CD player in my car, which I was glad to finally get. Then we were watching a movie, and I am sorry, if you looked like you were about to fall asleep in a chair, yeah, I will tell you to go to bed. But then again, once he got to the bedroom (hubby) he was about to start getting mad over who knows what. It wouldn't be so bad, but other people have noticed his attitude (which has been like this since sometime last year) and I thought he was doing better about his attitude until after Bill left this morning (took two and a half hours to get the CD player installed.) and then my husband went to go see a friend of his and was going to try my cd player out. Now, when he had trouble putting the cd he was going to listen to into the player, he should have realized it might help to get me. No, he somehow got the cd stuck in the player and then I had to call Bill again to find out what Steve should do. Well, Steve got pissed when we asked if he had forced the cd into the player. It was a simple no argument question, so there was no need for his attitude. After an hour we finally got the CD out of the player then I called Bill back and told him we got it out and we tried one of my cd's and it worked. So there is no telling what he did in the first place. Oh well.

I have to honestly admit we started our vacation on the right foot (I am guessing it's because we had just woke up at the time) and then as the day progressed, I was doing something then he decided that I was doing it wrong and was going to "show" me how to do it (I was putting a car freshener thing in the truck) and instead of letting me do it, He tried to take over. Well, that got over pretty quick. Then we got home and we were reading the paper while sitting on the porch, and I started sneezing. So then it was time to decide if a nap would be helpful or not. I took my allergy medication and did go lay down. I am really not surprised I laid back down. I was going to enjoy the first day of my vacation no matter what it took. Then we go back to Saturday night....I had the chance to talk to Bill, who was on the way to Hooters, with his cousin and some other relatives, and his cousin I had not spoken to since about 1993 (about the same time Bill and I lost contact) and so last night was a first time in a long time I had talked to him. Bill even showed his cousin a picture of me and he said the same thing Bill said. She hasn't changed... This was almost too much for me, and I still think it's funny that the two guys who knew me so well back then think I haven't changed. It's like I did tell Bill today though. He has seen some changes in me that he had never seen before and he should be grateful for the things that have changed me. I think he understood what I was saying for the most part though. Ok, gotta run and get to bed...

I have to admit that I am really shocked that my dearest best friend Bill has actually gotten out of the National Guard... :) No, I take that back. I am NOT as shocked as I should be. But this was a LONG time coming according to him, since he has been doing the whole thing (Army, Navy, Marines) before the Guard, and he really needs to slow down some. But then again, he doesn't know how. Tonight he is going to go and sign up for the State Guard. (I didn't even know we had one to be honest) and so he is going to do that. Atleast that is over. We have also defined our relationship a little more. Yes, he is my best friend, but he is also the big brother I never had. I have to admit that I have had my fair share of problems and he has seen me get myself out of most of them. But also as his little sister I have to tell him at times that the girls he picks are not worth the time nor energy especially if they are treating him ugly. I won't stand for anyone treating a member of my family ugly and I will take care of it the best way I KNOW how. This also includes you as my friends. There are some of you I would consider family to me as well, and yes if I add you as a family member, just feel honored that you were chosen to be in that category. I feel honored having you all as my friends and that is the best gift I could give you all.

Since I had a hair appointment, I need to say that I am grateful that Bill (aka Colonel_Deckard) did call and wake me up this morning since it was apparent that I forgot to turn on my alarm (had the time set just didn't turn it on) and I guess after talking to him last night until about 2 this morning you can realize that I was tired. The relationship between Bill and I is very complex. To me he is the big brother I never had, and wish I did have him for a brother because he and I get along so well. But then again, he also knows me too well as it is. When you have known someone for over fifteen years, you learn more about them than they possibly will ever know about themselves. The same goes for us. But I know I can trust him to listen to me when there are problems. He does treat me like a sister. He understands that there is more to me than just what is on the outside. But we talked about his going to drill this weekend, and I know how it is. He didn't want to go, but he gets out of the guard next week, and that will be a celebration in itself at least. On Thursday, my nephew and his fellow soldiers (there were seven all together left to go back to Iraq. It was a sad occasion of course, but they will be home hopefully soon enough. Now, I have to admit, I already was aware I had a hair appointment this morning, and How I even forgot to turn the alarm on is beyond me. But after that we went to go turn some film in then went to lunch. Of coursemy allergies hit me hard. I started sneezing so much that my head began pounding then we had to go to lowe's to get the lattice work for our porch to be finished then as soon as I got home I took my allergy medicine and went to bed. Didn't realize how tired I was though. But I guess I should have expected my allergies to hit me again.

In the past couple of weeks, we have had to realize that things have a way of making the least likely problems more relevant. Take my mother. She has had heart problems for over ten years, and still will most likely have them for the rest of her life. Then of course there is the fact that a good friend of my husband's passed away on the 4th, and he wasn't that much older than my husband. The problems we face in our lives is almost like unused wisdoms. I don't take my life like a joke. I can't. If I laughed at every little thing that was wrong with me (which right now if you could see my toes wrapped wtih medical tape you would understand the thoughts going through my head right now...) but then again I have had wonderful moments that amuse me more than I can ever have imagined. Luckily for me, I have my friend Colonel_Deckard here at least for a couple more hours before he heads hack to work, but he has been such a great help when it comes to questions I have for him about things I do. I know he's straight forward on the medical stuff. Ok, wait until Friday and I will probably blog again. :)

Otherwise known as complex issues, I have realized in the past few weeks that the end was coming for where my friend Angel worked. I knew in my heart the daycare where she was working was bound to close, and the inevitable has happened. Why we are not sure. But one thing is definitely for certain. We both had more thought out about it than the owner probably did. We both realized when the talks had started that the previous owner MIGHT get the daycare back, which is not saying that it wouldn't. We felt that was going to be the worst case scenario. Which we assumed was not an option for the lack of trying. We know the previous owner didn't want it back. It all goes with the territory. There are things you learn when you start a daycare and if you know within five years that the daycare isn't making the profit it should be, then yes you know your time is up and it's obviously time to move on to another venture. What Angel didn't realize is that when I got out of the daycare I DIDN'T look back. I chose that opportunity to leave the daycare with the current owners and I know the previous owner and I have to admit that it was a long shot. It didn't seem fair to stay there when the original owners left. I mean it was like I was being disloyal (despite the fact from the previous owner that she and her husband would both back me up if I stayed)to them as I wasn't really happy with the situation in the first place. The only reason I was sad to see her and her husband get out of it is because I was satisfied (To a point) that they had the daycare and because he was a cop, (I knew them before the daycare ever opened) and I knew if he called up there looking for his wife He knew I would answer the phone. Yeah, very loyal. He said he would have to give me a raise one time for being his eyes up at the daycare. So as I look at the great memories of the daycare when I first started working there, I think about them. They were the ones who my husband and I could talk to if we had problems to discuss (this was also my husband's partner in an investment) so naturally I trusted them. Ok, hope I am not working all weekend and that this weekend goes as every other weekend I was supposed to work. Lord knows I still need to get some much much needed rest. lol

There are many different circles we come across in our lives. They can be anything from the simplest friendship circles to the more difficult deception circles. Somehow I started thinking about these while I was working on Tuesday and some were more obvious than others to me. All of my life I have never had to really face the fact that I could be as optimistic about things that my own sister couldn't. She couldn't analyze things as well as I could. I can tear apart my life in sections and tell you what I could have changed and what could have stayed the same. But then again, we all know we can't just erase parts of ourselves just for the sake of others. I was born with a neurological disorder that I wish I had never had. I can't change that. It is that obvious that I have a reason I have to live with it. Ok, I am not feeling sorry for myself because there is no reason for it. I have learned that my disorder has changed me mentally and emotionally, which at times I think are the best things to have happened to me. I don't think that my brother and sister can understand the thoughts that go on in my head (Ok, but Colonel_Deckard knows what I am talking about here) and It's something I have learned that I can see as a "blessing". I am not deterred anymore by my insecurities that I dealt with as a teenager, and I know that if I start going through my insecurities again I have friends on here that would back me up in a heartbeat. Even if they didn't understand what was going on, they have always been there for me no matter the problem. I think that is why I have talked to them on here when I can. They realize that I am not always going to be able to cover my soul to the brink that I can't handle the problems. I won't hide my thoughts from them. If I have a fear, sure I am going to find the right person to tell me everything is cool. If I have a question I know that there is always going to be an answer somewhere in the land of hope. So, I have come full circle in getting to know the real me. I don't see myself as a comedian I see myself as someone who knows the pain was real at one time, and knows that there is always going to be some hurdle I will have to cross. It doesn't matter if there are obstacles at every turn because I can find solutions to the things that make me who I am today. I told my sister in law tonight that I went through the rough period in May when we thought I was pregnant and found out otherwise. I told her that the heartbreak was not taken as well by me, but somehow I found the peace in it. I know there is a reason I am not pregnant yet, but I am okay with it. It's like we have said in the past, what ever is meant to be will happen. If it's not meant to be than you can find another way to exercise your emotions. Take on a hobby you would enjoy. Never let it stress you out. If you are not able to get past it, then talk to someone who you know can help. Best advice is always helpful if you know who to talk to.

So, I got on the computer I think Friday and then I was off of the computer again until Tuesday night. How odd for me. That is not normal by my standards....But I guess with working more on the porch, wondering if my hubby was getting to the point of heat exhaustion, and then making a spaghetti/salad lunch instead of my planned dinner (which the meal was supposed to have been) but we had my parents, our friend, and of course my mother in law (remind me to hold off on future invites to her please..... lol) which was great because it kept everyone out of my hair while I was in the kitchen cooking and chopping things for the salad. Then we finally got the chance to eat, and everyone (except said mother in law) was very satisfied with the meal because they thanked me. Mother in law, who basically did nothing from the time she got to our house, complained about one of my friends to the point that I had to walk off and block it out. She has a tendency to talk trash about my friend because she is in love with a guy who is currently serving a few months in prison over drugs, bad checks and dui. BUT mother in law forgets she was married to an alcoholic so it is not up to her to criticize MY FRIENDS. I finally got to the point that I walked away. I couldn't handle it. Needless to say my hubby, her son, had to tell her she needed to watch how she talks to people from now on. We'll see. But I had also planned on getting on the computer Saturday night but somehow I never made it. Sunday was a blur and Monday was one of those I want to stay in bed days but I couldn't because I had to work, and I also had to work Today (Tuesday) so needless to say I am still wiped out. I also found out from an email that my nephew and his girlfriend were expecting a baby girl to be born on Tuesday which would make this baby girl two months younger than her cousin who was born in May. I don't completely get it. I will be a great aunt for the fourth time...I am excited though. Just didn't know he and the girlfriend were expecting a child...Happy 4th of July to all of my CT Friends/fans and Family....

I have been thinking about a great friend of mine that I love as a sister. She has two kids, and is unmarried, and she recently moved closer to me, which I think her mother counted as one of her blessings that her daughter had moved close to me. What gets me, is that this friend, lives in a place that is run-down, the electricity in the house isn't worth the rent she pays, she has basically gone through the house and making small repairs here and there. First her A/C went out. The landlord supposedly came out (while friend was at work) with an A/C guy to "fix" the A/C and yet it wasn't fixed automatically. Then after that she had electricity problems this week where her power was cutting off and back on. That is a hazard especially if you are living in that place and have kids. I have told her she could come over here with the kids and stay until they can get that fixed but she won't do it. Thinking she wants to wait and see what happens. You have to realize that she doesn't depend on anyone to help her out when it comes to raising her kids. Her son's father is currently in prison, and that isn't good, she has to deal with the fact that she needs a great man in her life that will love her and support her and take care of her kids as well. I don't know many single guys who would take on something like that. Her mother keeps asking me to find her a good man, but all the guys I know personally, are either married or taken. I guess we will have to hope for the best in both situations with my friend though.