SNOW !
*December .....8 6:00 PM
*It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
*the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
*the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
*from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
*romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
*December..... 9
*We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
*covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
*sight! Can there be a more lovely place in
*the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
*ever had!
*Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a
*boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
*This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered
*up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
*
*to shovel again. What a perfect life!
*December..... 12
*The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
*disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
*we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
*Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
*snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
*snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
*a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
*December .....14
*Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
*temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
*sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
*up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
*the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and
*buried everything again. I didn't
*realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish
*I wouldn't huff and puff so.
*December .....15
*20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
*Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
*extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
*a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
*that's silly. We aren't in .....Alaska, after all.
*December .....16
*Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
*the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell.. The
*wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very
*cruel.
*December .....17
*Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
*anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
*pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
*stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
*should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
*her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
*I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom.
*December..... 20
*Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of
*the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all
*day. The damn snowplow came by twice.
*Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
*
*lying.
*Called the only hardware store around to see about
*buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
*another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob
*says I have to shovel or the city will have it done
*and bill me. I think he's lying.
*December .....22
*Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
*
*inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold,
*
*it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes
*
*to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
*
*had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
*
*dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
*
*hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of
*
*the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the
*asshole is lying.
*December .....23
*Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
*The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
*this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
*Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
*says she did but I think she's lying.
*December .....24
*6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
*the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
*ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow
*plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
*beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he
*hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
*shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100
*miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
*been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
*carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
*
*busy watching for the damn snowplow.
*December..... 25
*Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
*slop tonight - Snowed in
*The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate
*the snow!
*Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
*and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife
*says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
*idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' one
*more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
*December .....26
*Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It
*was all... HER idea.
*She's really getting on my nerves.
*December .....27
*Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
*plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
*only charged me... $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
*December .....28
*Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is
*driving me crazy!!!
*December..... 29
*10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
*it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
*heard..................How dumb does he think I am
*December..... 30
*Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now
*he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the
*beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the
*broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to
*her mother.
*Nine more inches predicted.
*December .....31
*I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
*shoveling.
*January..... 8
*Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
*they keep giving me.
Why am I...... tied to the bed?