OK, I was asked to tell another story. This one isn’t as funny as the others but it was entertaining. Again it happened in college. One day after playing an intramural basketball game a friend of mine and I returned to our dorms tired and of course sweaty. We were preparing to take long showers before getting dressed and going out that night. But the showers were almost full and we both hated the showers in the guy’s hall anyway. You see they were open showers, the army type. Nothing but a platform and shower heads in the wall. No privacy at all. So, we were drinking and waiting for the showers to clear out some, when he has this idea. “The girls have private stalls in their showers.” I followed with “Yeah, we could take our time and have a nice long hot shower.” Jim, lets call him that, said I’m going to get ready for the shower, meet you on the girls floor.
First let me explain why Jim isn’t his real name. You see, Jim, is a politician in the state of Virginia. When he was running for office I went to see him speak. He came over to me, shook my hand and then leaned over and whispered into my ear, “If someone asks you if you know me, please tell them no. Deny any crazy antics.” OK, here’s a guy who I picked up off the bottom of a flight of stairs when a football player knocked him out with one punch and he tumbled down each stair. The guy didn’t miss a step. Here’s a guy who I snuck out of a party because he was too drunk to see the chick he was making out with. Trust me, he didn’t wanna know. And here’s a guy who talked me into sneaking in the girls shower. And he wants to act like we don’t know each other?!? Needless to say, I voted for the other guy.
Anyway back to the story concerning JIM and I.
I told him I was kidding but there he was knocking at my door in his towel calling me chicken. So, I say, let’s go. We both sneak onto the girl’s floor and tip toe to the bathroom door. I peek inside and hear some of the girls showering. You can only see from just below their knees due to the curtains. We swing the door open and spy two empty stalls. He jumped into the first and I tip toed to the one on the far end. Let me start by saying the water for the girls seemed warmer. It could have been the nice curtains keeping the heat in. But in my drunken stupor, I relaxed and enjoyed the shower. In Jim’s drunken stupor he enjoyed the shower even more than I did. He enjoyed it so much, he started singing.
Ok at this point, I’m starting to sober up because this idiot is singing as if he’s alone in the shower. Not like he’s in a girls shower with 6-8 girls in stalls next to him. Well I had to do something to stop him and so ….I did. I screamed, “Will you shut up?” To which he screamed back “Oops sorry.”
Ok all hell broke out.
You could hear the wet feet of screaming girls throughout the bathroom. Even throughout the halls. I saw a head peek under my curtain and then a scream, “boys in the showers.” That couldn’t be good. My first thought was to wrap in the towel and try to blend with the crowd as they left the bathroom. But I thought nawwww that won’t work. Then came that awkward moment of silence. Two showers were still being used, mine and Jims and we both weren’t coming out. Well until the girls resident assistant opened the door and screamed inside “Louis and Jim, get out here now!!” Wow. She knew who to call. That’s kind of impressive. Well not actually. She’s caught us both at tons of stuff by that time.
So out we came wrapped with our towels around us, taking that long walk of shame. The girls wrapped in towels as we walk between them, boldly introducing ourselves to each of them. (If you gotta get kicked out of school, you go with class). Luckily our resident assistant was dating the girls resident assistant and he talked her out of turning us into the Dean. We were banned from the girls hall. I had never seen the girls RA so upset with us. Wait, she was more upset when we carded her door and fell in while she was having sex with our RA. Yeah, that’s was pretty bad. Anyway guys, the moral of this story is, when you sneak into a girls bathroom……don’t friggen sing. And, if you don’t want people to act as if they don’t know you in the future, stop doing crazy chit today
