Tuesday, September 02, 2008
She Walks Before Me
Current mood: creative
Category: Writing and Poetry
As he sat on the couch listening to 'Ander Schonenblauen Donau' he realised how simple music could be, but how it sounded and how it was composed were different things altogether. He thought though, it was as close to heaven as he was going to get at this particular moment in life. He needed no-one or nothing in his life at the moment, other than to lie here and listen to what was playing.
It was always when it ended that he felt refreshed, never totally, but enough to take more of what life was throwing at him. Most of all the music reminded him of a picture he had seen in his teens, or maybe before it. It had angels in it. To him, they always looked beautiful. In a strange way, he thought that if he had his own angel with him, his life would be complete. He believed in angels, he wasn't a holy person, but he still believed in angels. He believed that he had some close shaves in the past, things he shouldn't have got out of, but did. He knew there was something sitting over his shoulder, but what, he didn't know. He liked to think it was an angel. He also knew that when he closed his eyes to listen to the music, he had an angel sitting beside him. When the music played, he talked with them. They may not have answered but it didn't stop him from talking with them.
While listening to 'Die Schonbrunner' one rainy day, he closed his eyes, feeling once again, that presence beside him. He asked the entity beside him if he could see one of them. He felt he had to, if he had been in their presence for so long, then maybe he should be able to see one of them, just once, so he knew who had been saving him all these years. In his mind he felt it was a simple request, he wouldn't push it though, as he also felt that it was a little selfish of him to ask. He just felt compelled to ask all the same. For the longest while he heard nothing, as the music played on, the thought slipped from his mind. He may have forgot, but what ever was in his presence beside him hadn't forgot. As the music neared an end, he heard a voice, very close to him, not one he recognised, but it was calming. It said, ' We will show you but one angel, you must look for it, it will show itself and you may not even know'.
For years, maybe another two or three, he listened to the same music and tried to converse with the angel that sat beside him. He often asked if he missed his chance, all that was ever said in reply was 'You will know in time'. His patience never wained, he knew if he was to see he would see,if he was to know he would know. It may be a long wait, but it was something he was willing to do.
He always believed in the saying 'do unto others......', he knew he had done people wrong in the past, he also knew he had repended ten fold for his wrong doing. He knew when people needed him, he was there to help. He believed his angel that looked down on him, had brought these people into his life, he also knew, none of these had been the angel he was looking for. He guessed there would be no shining light, glowing halo oroutspread wings, so it would very well be a person like him.
The years had passed on, he had reached thirty, he had long forgotten his angel and the conversations he had with it. He listened to the classical music, the only thing that hadn't changed.
He was, one sunny but frosty morning, out for a walk, as he was every morning. This morning however, he had come upon a woman whose car had a flat tyre, she was a small woman, maybe a few inches smaller than him. She was younger than him too he figured. He guessed too that she could pretty much handle what she was doing but the help would be appreciated. As he approached her, he could see a strange glow eminating from her, or was it behind her? The morning had been cold, the sun strong and shining from behind her. He walked towards her and asked if she needed help. While helping the young woman, he had a strange feeling, that for the first time in a long time, he was alive inside. It wasn't that he was taken with the woman, he hadn't helped anyone in a long time. When he finished, he turned to the woman, the sun was still strong behind her, he noticed her eyes and her smile, getting lost in them for a moment in time, he had the weirdest feeling of a voice in the back of his head, it echoed the words 'Do you see?', What did it mean? Before he had the chance to think about it, the womans voice cut in, asking him if he was going towards town and needed a lift. He declined politely and went on his way.
He was slightly puzzled about the voice he had heard that day. Where had he heard it before? He honestly couldn't remember. He turned on the music, lay back on the couch and closed his eyes as the music played. Hew felt good, better than he had for a long time.There was no settling this evening though. Maybe it was the cold air that morning, maybe it was the much appreciated help, he didn't know. He made a cup of tea and put on some Johann Strauss. After a few minutes, he settled into the music again, he lay back and closed his eyes. As the music neared an end, he heard those words again. 'Did you see?', the voice asked. As disturbing as words can get like that sometimes, he just answered 'See what?'. He heard no more but the music.
As time passed that month, he thought no more of what he heard. While about his business in the town, on a summers morning, he noticed a face he hadn't seen in a while. There was a strange light eminating from her, or was it behind her? He couldn't tell, he was walking against the sun and she was walking towards him with the sun behind her. It was the woman he helped. He felt that strange feeling come over him again, he also heard the voice again as he made eye contact with the woman. It just said 'Do you see?'. He was once again cut off from thinking anything about it as the young woman, with those amazing eyes he thought, exchanged pleasantries withhim and asked how he was doing. They talked for a bit and went about their seperate ways. Once again, he felt that feeling of elation inside, there was certainly something strange about that young woman. He got home and decided that maybe Mozart was a good option, he turned on 'Schlittenfahrt', as he sat back and closed his eyes, he got lost in the music. As it neared an end, he heard that voice, but this time it said something different, it said, 'She walks before you yet you do not see'. He thought about this for a long time, eventually less and less. He went about his life as he always did.
One day while talking with a man who worked in the local hospital, he listened as always with intent to what he said. he was told of an accident that happened during the week involving a young woman. His grandmother was in the hospital and he was going to visit anyway.
As he walked towards the hospital, he had a troubled mind. He wasn't too sure why, but he knew he didn't like hospitals either way. As he walked through the enterance, a feeling came over him, a feeling of emense saddness. As he walked towards his grandmothers ward, he had to pass the I.C.U ward, as he neared this ward, the feeling grew particularly stronger, it clouded his thoughts, he felt it get darker. He wondered why this was happening, it had never happened before.
He reached his grandmothers ward, she was alone. This was highly unusual because there was always someone with her. He noticed the old woman was saying the rosary, this was nothing new as this old woman was a somewhat overtly religious person. Still as they talked, he noticed the rosary beeds were still making their way, one by one, through her fingers. He figured she prayed in her sleep too. He eventually asked her why she was praying. She mentioned the accident and the young woman and that maybe she could do wit hprayers going her way. He remembered that feeling passing the I.C.U, but refrained from saying anything.
When the old woman was finished praying, she dropped the beeds by her side and asked him to bring a mass bouquet card to the womans ward. Mentioning that the woman was a few years younger than him and that it would be a shame should she be taken so young. He wasn't too sure if he could go into the I.C.U, but he knew one or two of the nurses and they said it was ok.
He walked from his grandmothers ward and that feeling of extreme saddness came over him again. The closer he got to the I.C.U, the more intense the feeling got. He enered the young womans ward, he couldn't see her face as the curtain was half drawn across her bed. He did however notice an old preist at the end of her bed. He was blessing her. The preist looked at him, acknowledged him and went on praying. The young man left the card on the locker, was just about to walk out, but decided he wanted a look at the woman in the bed. As he pulled back the curtain, he noticed all the wires and tubes hooked up to various machines, worst of all he noticed who all these were hooked up to. He felt the colour drain from his face. The smile on the womans face was no longer there, the light that seemed to eminate from her, or behind her, was no longer there, that feeling of elation he felt around her was now replaced by saddness. As he looked at the girl,the old preist walked towards him, placed a hand on his shoulder and said softly, 'Do you see?' The young man felt like he had been hit by a train, the sentence struck him with such force that it made his legs weak and he had to sit down. He now understood the feeling of elation he felt in her presence, the feeling of saddness he was now feeling instead. Everything was rushing back to him, way too quick too he thought. In a broken voice, all he could manage to say was 'She walks before me yet I do not see'. All of a sudden he couldn't hold back the tears. The preist, old in his years, ninety-two, to be exact, still had his hand on the young mans shoulder. He said 'Sometimes we believe yet do not see'. He took his hand from the young mans shoulder walked to the girls locker, looking at the card. He then left the ward, his job done.
As the tears came and went, he sat by the young woman, or angel, he figured at this stage. He felt compelled to talk. When he started, he didn't stop.
He felt calm when he got home that night, he didn't know why, after the evening he had, he had no reason to be calm. As he thumbed through the classics, he found 'Intermezzo', he felt it might have been fitting for the occassion. As he sat back o the couch, he closed his eyes. As the music neared an end, he heard that voice, that had been coming and going for the last while. It repeated what the old preist had said. 'We sometimes see yet do not believe', the young man replied, 'I see and believe', it was the last thing he remembered before falling asleep on the couch. He woke up with an angel on his mind.
He felt a deep sense of happiness the following morning, he also had an urge to get to the hospital to see his new found friend, his angel. As he entered the hospital doors, there was no sense of saddness this time. When he reached the I.C.U, he noticed the bed was empty. In desperation, he went to information desk. The receptionist, obviously having a bad day, was both snappy and unpleasant. When asked where the young woman was, she simply replied 'Family?' He shook his head. The receptionist said she couldn't give out information unles he was family. He gave up and went to visit his grandmother.
Months had passed and the memory of the angel had stuck with him. Thoughts of how close he had been, how he felt around her, how the light eminated from her while she was in his presence, all filled his head. He prayed she was looking down on him now, but never regretted that it took so long to see. He was just happy he saw.
As time rolled on, he was thirty-three now, he had gotten on with his life, but for some reason he had never settled down. He knew the reason, but always kept it to himself.
He awoke one morning to the sound of his phone ringing, it was pretty early for someone to be calling him. He didn't recognise the number but answered it anyway. The voice was unfamiliar to him, it was a womans voice on the other end. She didn't introduce herself but apologised for how long it had taken to get in contact and the earliness of her call. It still made no sense to him, but he played along.
Though still not introducing herself, she explained that they met over three years ago, he listened to what she was saying and with every passing word, he could feel that sense of elation returning, that sense he hadn't felt in years. She explained that while in a coma for three days she had a dream of someone talking to her about classical music and talking with angels. He kept listening, as she went on telling him everything she remembered him saying. She said it managed to get her though the whole thing,what he had said.
He couldn't say anything at first, to be honest he didn't know what to say either way, but she talked a bit more and told him that there was a card left on her locker beside her bed, she managed to trace it back eventually, to a preist, who had long since passed away. He thought to himself, 'An old preist, an overtly religious woman, angels, it was all adding up'. 'It looked like angels stuck together'. She took it upon herself to ask if they could meet up....
He was nervous, it was weird, he never got nervous, but it's not every day you meet an angel. He always liked to be early. He sat at a table facing the door, drinking water. He seemed very interested in the napkin that was on the table and was looking at it. It was bright and sunny outside, he looked up as it got to the time of the meeting. As he looked up, the sun got brighter as the door to the airy eatery opened. He felt the light hit his face and that elated feeling creep up on him again, he knew what this meant.
She walked to the table, their gazes met, those eyes were full of life, there was a slight scar down the right side of her face, from the accident but she made no attempt to cover it up, he noticed that smile, it was as bright as the light that shone on his face all those years ago. He thought of his angels and in the back of his mind he heard that voice that never left. It said 'Do you see?'. He whispered to himself, 'She walks before me and I see'.
