Loki Warfighter's blog: "Shattered Pieces"

So after having gone for so long with so few people knowing about it, I've gotta get some stuff off my chest before it collapses on me. Growing up was pretty rough. My first memories are of getting backhanded off my feet by my stepdad because I asked if I could go to the park. The same man that did that continued to beat me senseless, sometimes within inches of my life, for no reason other than he was strung out on coke. My mom was in the boat doing the same shit he was, though she at least wisened up some when he pointed a gun at my head because he wanted her to pay for his drugs.

She left him and got remarried shortly after to another asshole that loved psychological torture. Every day I got to hear how useless I was because I couldn't fight back against my old step dad, and how all I'd amount to in life was being the biggest fuck up in my town. Eventually, he turn to physical abuse as well. I remember one distinct time of him grabbing a 2x4 and beating me with it until the thing shattered. All this time I have no escape either. If I went to my actual dad's house, I got beat worse because he wanted to stay strung out on meth and had a fetish for causing others pain. 

After 15 years of no escape, I decided I'd take my life into my own hands and end it for good. I failed miserably. At the time, my parents were too strung out to even care enough to bother with sending me to a mental health institute, or take me to the hospital for my injuries at all. Somehow, I managed to heal from everything on my own. At 16, my mom finally tossed me out of the house and I was greatful to be gone from my nightmare finally. Except the nightmare didn't end. I see my old step-dads and my real dad from time to time, and each time they smile at me and try to act as if nothing ever happened.

I joined the army at 17 with the intent to ship out and die in combat. I was shot and blown up, but still managed to come home alive and well. I used to tell myself that my past would not affect me and my life would be my own, but I've realized that saying that was a lie. My past will affect and partially dictate my future. It does so in positive and negative aspects. I am an asshole to the end of the world, and very creative with revenge when someone stabs me in the back on one side. On the other side, I can be the nicest person you'll ever meet. To me though, the most important way that my past will dictate my future is that I will NEVER be my parents. If/when I have kids, I'm going to give them the childhood that I never had.

- Loki