The Pre-Booty Call Agreement
This pre-booty call Agreement (hereinafter referred to as "The Agreement") is entered into on this ___day of ______________, 20 __, by ____________________, (hereinafter referred to as the "Participant") between ____________________, (hereinafter referred to as the "Holder of 'The Agreement'") and ____________________ (Participant).
This Agreement shall cover the following rules and principles for the Participant:
1. No sleeping over!! Unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 pm. We don't have anything to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" stuff, only mind-blowing sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions!! i.e. where are we heading with this? Do you love me? The answer is "no", so don't even ask.
6. No plans made in advance. That is why you are called "the backup." Unless you are from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted- money is always good.
8. No baby talk- however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers… it's really none of your damn business.
10. No calling each other friends with privileges. We are not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK. Don't be offended, you mean no less to me than you did before.
12. No extra clothing!! I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex!! It's over so get your ass up and go home.
14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it. I don't care!!
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone of the opposite sex asks who you are, the standard response will be "My roommates girlfriend/boyfriend."
17. Doggie style preferred. Just hit it hard and right or get the Hell out! (Reason: The less eye contact the better. I don't want to look at you.)
18. We are to hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes me, so stop calling!
19. Bring your own drink-I am not your liquor store.
20. No phone use, please! I don't want anyone calling back looking for your ass.
*Extra tip for successful booty calls: The holder of the Agreement may only alter the aforementioned rules. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of the Agreement, it will automatically become null and void. The Participant will then be removed from the "Possible Future Relationship List" and given minimal Booty Call privileges, and cut off from any communications unless first initiated by the holder of this Agreement. If further violations of the Agreement occur the Participant will be deleted from phone memory, email list, and blocked from all communications until the Participant's silly ass understands the rules.
Participant: Holder of the "Agreement":
Signature: ____________________ Signature: ____________________
Date: ____________________ Date: ____________________