When I was washing the dishes after the evening meal with my family (in-laws were here) I just thought that I no longer belong to myself. The thought was pretty painful. As a child I belonged to my mother (and father for some time), after the marriage – to my husband and myself (but not only to myself), now there‘s one more addition – my daughter, who feels she owns me day and night (don’t get me wrong, I adore her). So I just thought that there was almost no time I belonged only to myself. Do I sound selfish? Maybe, but I have a right to feel what I feel. No matter the judgments.
Another thought. Ok, I‘m married. So what? Does that mean I give up and stop being myself? Should I change to let him like/love me more? How do I know what‘s better? I‘ve been down and low for a few days. I know he doesn‘t like many things about me. He also knows I do not adore him as before. Crisis? Yes. Changes? Needed. But why only me? A selfish thought again. I am selfish. I want to be one. So what now?
