I've bben awake for almost three day's now 66hours give or take a half not my record by any account but i've been thinking a lot as i lay in my bed shaking and sweating and wondering WTF has gone hay wire in my head this time. I keep having people blowing up my head, telling me i'm:
cute
sweet
sexy
hot
the list goes on and on and not just here in the best damn night culb i've found, (yeah fuck off it is better than the real thing for a guy who never knows where he's gonna be laying his head at the end of the day, i travel for work and i can take it with me, that's why it's the best,) and the people are always the same, not always in but hey the waitress will always leave a note on their table for 'em if their not in, but in the real world too, What am i bitching about? i don't see it, but then again when i look in the mirror i don't see the same face as the people on the street or the face in the pictures the wonderful folks at the club see, i see an asshole a worthless fuck who's got no right to waste good air that good people could be using. I see the monster in my head and i hate him, i know what i look like and i know the things this face has compelled others to do, I know the things this face has done, I'd cut it off if i could, I'd end up in a nut house forever for sure that way, if i survived.
I have a few brands one on each of my biceps, a chaotic spiral on my right and 'SLAVE' on my right, they hurt when i got them i won't lie, but last night i added another to my collection, i burned my face, it was no accident i did it on purpose. It didn't hurt, that one, why because i didn't do it to myself i did it to the face in the mirror, that monster, that beast. I wanted to scar my face for the longest time, years now, I didn't do it for me, i did it for you my friends, to begin the destruction of the beauty you see,i'm not beautiful, i'm not sweet, i am ugly, i am poison, i am shit, i am a drug that will hook you from the first high, so be warned and spare you self. hell if you care about anyone or anything in the world spare them, warn them about me, as i have warned you my frinds because i care about you, if you truly cared you would do more than warn then you would do more for them than that you would spare them the curiosity and kill me. Please, save those you love, kill me, Please, i'm begging save your selves and destroy this deamon who laughs form behind these tired and "innocent" eyes, and belive me when i say i ment no harm. Believe me when i say i ment none of this. My face is scared and my friends are warned, Please believe me i ment none of pain i have caused with my beauty.
