: inspired by affection
Relationship and Love have many different descriptions,contexts and meanings,so many people have different veiwpoints on either matter,different feelings,some are radicals or extremists to one side of the equations commonly known as "hopeless romantics" some fall to the other side of the extreme and are viewed as cold,unfeeling,most of us fall in the middle somewhere I think and or swing from one extreme to the next depending on the situation.
One thing I've noticed in the definition of it and throughout my life of reading novels,hearing songs written on the subject of Love and or Relationships and have seen movies based on the topic of love and relationships is this,in all the magnifence and glory of this thing we call "True Love" that once in a lifetime connection with someone that you meet where you are bonded on a level that surpasses all things known to you at that time or any time afterwards is this.....They NEVER....teach you,warn you or PREPARE you for the worst in your endeavors when dealing with it when it ends,they never once tell you that there WILL come a time where you HAVE TO....LOVE YOURSELF.....MORE than you love your partner.
I think....no I reiterrate...I KNOW that the hardest thing to ever do is to walk away from a relationship where you FEEL you loved the other person MORE than they loved you. When I look back on the greatest love of my life I see,happy times,I see 4 days of the greatest moments of my life,I see phone calls,text messages,I love you's back and forth,that wonderful feeling when you wake up in the morning and you are so happy because JUST behind your eyes lay the vision of the ONE THING that means MORE to you than anything you've ever known and on those days NOTHING can bring you down. I see many things,dreams of what could be,I smell scents,I hear songs,moments of her laughter,the way the light shined off of her in a parking lot,holding her hand,hearing her voice,the way her hair moved and the haunting vision of her eyes and that awesome feeling that they are the LAST person that you want to talk to before you go to sleep and they also are the very FIRST person you want to talk to when you wake up.
To walk away from something like that is truly THE hardest thing I've ever done and I'm STILL not entirely past it,as much as I KNOW,things will never change,can never change,can NEVER BE that thing it was sooo long ago,that the ONE thing that would bring peace to my waking mind and my aching heart is the one thing that she can not offer for me......a sense of normality or NORMALCY in a relationship,the way most NORMAL relationships work.
That being said it doesn't make me right or her wrong or make me wrong or her right,just means we grew apart,we....became two different people wanting two differnta things and that happens,even to the once greatest of loves it happens.
I have my good days where I don't think so much about my desicion to walk away,because in my HEART I KNOW it was the right thing to do for BOTH of us,I know I wasn't happy and if I'm unhappy I'm sure my unhappiness caused her much unhappiness as well.
Love much like respect is a two way street,there HAS to be a give and take on BOTH parts or else its just one person giving and not getting back what they are putting into it until it gets to a point where the giver has nothing left to give because the love they gave wasn't nutured.
I also have my bad days,where hearing a song,a certain team,being places where we conversed through the telephone or seeing her name or a picture of her makes me want to break down and talk to that person,but when I feel these things,when I remember how it once WAS and ACHE for that to be once again,I remember how it truly WAS and WHY it got to the point where I walked away,there inevitably COMES A TIME....where you HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF....MORE.....than the person you love or you will be devoured alive by their preconceptions of who THEY want you to be or BELIEVE you to be because time after time,you caved in,gave up on YOURSELF and all you believe and stand for in an attempt to save something that truly isn't there anymore.
I guess I'm writing this because I've seen recently a LOT of my friends on here,going thru the same situation I was in,although I will hope with the greatest of hopes for each and every one of you that reads this IF you ARE in this situation that the thing that truly brings you happiness if it IS that relationship....that Love...I hope it does work out for the best and I will be an advid supporter of you in that endeavour BUT......you have to ask yourself if it IS worth it....If it IS worth losing who you are,what you stand for and believe in,what you will or won't tolerate,your values and who you are at the very essence....the CORE of your being....IS.....IT....WORTH IT....to throw all of that away for the sake of the relationship or love?
I wish I had the answer to that,it's been over a month and I'm STILL wrestling over my descion evn though I KNOW what I did was in my best intrests,because the only thing WOSRE,than having a broken heart,is the absolute and total feeling of lonileness when you love someone and there is a distance between you and you can't touch them,hold them,feel them,console them,where the only thing that you two DO have left is commucication and when the channel of communication breaks down for WHATEVER reason,THAT is a TRULY disheartening,lonely feeling,never in my life have I felt so alone because its a loneliness that follows you to work,follows you to the store,to your home,to your friends homes,to activities where you should find enjoyment and manifests itself 10 fold when you are alone,a broken heart in TIME will heal,but THAT kind of loneliness never leaves,it's here to stay and it gets heavier and darker each day until all you feel is emptiness.
So if you DO chose to walk away,it's ok to hurt,to have moments where you break down and cry and miss that person or miss that bond you once shared,it's okay to feel anger,resentment or whatever feelings you may BE feeling because they are YOUR feelings,no one else's and it's ok to let people see you hurting,don;t shut those out that are there to help you get through these times,NO ONE can get through it alone,we ALL need SOMEONE at SOME point to be there for us,just TRY not to wear those feelings,that broken heart as an accesory for all to see.
You WILL be alright my friend,it just takes time and time......is the only thing that we do have on our hands it's both very littel and very precious,so please enjoy what time you do have,spend it with those who care about you,surround yourself with those people and you will be alright,ESPECIALLY when you realize....that you DO....have to love YOURSELF....ABOVE all other people,if you don't love yoursef,how do you expect anyone else to but THAT........is a blog for a different day.
