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INTRODUCTION
One in a million, isn't that right? Isn't that the saying that comes out of people's mouths in the first pre-stages of a relationship. "This guy/girl is one in a million." To most people hearing that saying is the sameas hearing "too good to be true" And based on what I've seen of guys in this world, it mostly is. So I ask you then, is it more plausible to hear someone say one out of ten thousand? Let me elaborate.
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You've all seen the commercials for dating websites, these portals existing on the World Wide Web that tell us they can find our one true love. Like most people who are too shy to actually talk to a beautiful woman, I gave in to my curiosity and checked out one of these sites. It was called EHarmony and it boasted that you could take a personality test to discover people that are compatible with you. In fact, it was considered the most thorough personality test out there and the best part was it was absolutely free! Now I'm not stupid, I know the scheme. Take the test and even if it's totally nonsensical they'll tell you, you have results and make you pay for a membership to find them out. Sounds perfect, but I was still interested to see if I had any results. I took the test. It took me almost 45 minutes to get through and I have to admit I was pretty impressed with the questions. Then it came time to see my answers and get duped into purchasing the membership. I was ready for it, as questions were going through my head: Could this be the answer to find somebody who actually understands me? Are they close to where I live? How much is it going to cost? I was ready for the answer, but the answer never came. Instead of EHarmony asking me for a membership to show me the women I'm perfectly compatible with, it told me there weren't any at the moment. In fact it went so far to say that based on my answers I am one out of ten thousand men. Then came the kicker, it didn't want my money.
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I didn't know whether to be happy or hurt. I knew I was unlike most guys, I respect women, I earn their trust, and I've been told I'm perfect so many times I lost count. But that wasn't enough for me. Most of these women were broken pieces to a mirror, that they had yet to look in themselves and find whatever that part of them they lost to really appreciate a real relationship and not just a mind fuck. Yet, even though I was happy to be able say I'm unique, I was hurt thinking that maybe I'm such a rare breed, no woman will be able to handle me. Of course the opinions of a dating website have no bearing on this story at all, just an introduction to who I am and why I'm writing it.
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My name is Josh Hanson. I'm 27 years old, make a decent income as an assistant manager for a Payday Loan Store and apparently one of ten thousand. I have many traits that most women consider enigmatic. I'm a gamer geek sometimes, and a preppy down to earth yet sarcastic guy other times. I could get any girl I set my eyes on. That would sound extremely narcissistic if I didn't mention the fact that I can't find the guts to talk to most of them. I've been told I'm an amazing kisser, as well as romantic as hell. I've broken down barriers to women's emotions finding the ability to trust me fairly easy. I like my space and time to myself just as equally as time with a woman. I'm funny and fairly smart (though I don't consider myself so.) Once I actually do talk to woman, I say the right things at the right time and I'm completely honest and upfront with what I want. I don't plan to just jump into something and get married within a year. I want something that builds and lasts. The problem is even though I can get any girl when I put my mind to it, I can't seem to keep them.
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When this ponderance came to the attention of my best friend of 15+ years, he responded very candidly. "You seem to keep finding the wrong women." I laughed at this, because considering my shyness at first meeting, it was more like the wrong women keep finding me. Then he said something as a joke "If I wrote a book on all the women you've dated, I'd make millions" I thought it was mildly funny but semi moronic as well, who the hell would want to read about the women some nobody dated? This was years ago and there were plenty more failed relationships in this time. But it wasn't until recently that it came to a halt. I won't talk about her yet, because that's not the point of this story. And by the time I get to her chapter I'll be able to be non-biased towards her and possibly we may even be friends at least. The point of this story isn't about who reads it and what you think. It's about the reflection of my past mistakes and what's it's lead up to at this point. I decided that I'm going to write the story. Of course the names will be changed, but the memories and places will all stay true to how they happened. My goals are as follows:
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1. I haven't written in years aside from some poems and songs. By writing this it gives me the chance to escape the emotions I still feel from this loss and recreate the hobby of mine I used to relish for years.
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2. By posting this as a blog it allows others to read about me and ask questions. Some of you actually do know who I am, but not what I'm like. Some of you have passed me in past circumstances without ever thinking about who I really am and what I have to offer this world. This is my way for the world to read my thoughts and my past without having to find a publisher. It also may spark some curiosity in some of you to actually want to get to know me a little or a lot more.
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3. This is my reflection as I stated above. I love relationships. In fact sometimes when one ends it destroys a part of me inside that I find another one just to fill it. By reflecting on my past and putting myself into the mirror to face these memories one by one, it may reveal to me the answers that I need to grow as a man and find someone really great. So until this book is finished, I will not be seeking out any new relationships. If they seek me out, it might be a different story, but I want to be ready when that time comes.
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I'm calling this story "Searching for 14", because the number of relationships (lasting 3 months or more) have finally come to an unlucky 13. The number 14 is usually a lucky number and it's the light at the end of the tunnel for me, I believe. Each woman will be a chapter, and I will only post chapters once they are finished. Each chapter will be broken down into parts:
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LEAD UP
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Not all chapters will contain this part. It will only be used if significant changes have occurred between the last chapter and this one. This book isn't just meant to talk about women, it's also a timeline of my life, and certain things that have happened might have bearing on the relationship that occurred.
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HOW WE MET
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I don't consider myself a great writer in the sense that I proof-read my work. Some of this stuff will be just writing without worrying how it sounds. BUT this part will be almost story-like as much as I can make it. I don't think I need to explain what this part contains.
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ABOUT HER
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This will be descriptive based on looks, and personality traits. What was their home life like? How did they grow up? What were their quirks and hobbies and obsessions? I said that aside from changing names, I will make everything else honest as hell. This will all be true information, which means that I will have to censor myself on any secrets that I know about them. The past is the past, and it should stay there as far as I'm concerned. (yet I am writing this book, did I mention I can be hypocritical too?)
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The Relationship
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How was it? Any memorable moments? Most of this will be cliff note type stuff, but the memories that stand out will be written in detail.
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THE END
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The reason this book is being written. What crazy antics could've ensued? What lame reasons were given to end them. Aside from the relationships listed in this book, I have been broken up because it was a game to get me away from another girl. I had a girl actually tell her family I broke up with her, when I was actually trying to figure out why she never called me after our second date!, Another girl was such a bitch to little kids that we were on one blind date and I said see ya. Not many of the small ones are important enough to talk about. And not all of these women were a train wreck. But since this is how my roommate would make millions, I might as well explain.
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REFLECTION
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This is the most important part and one that's going to make me go into doors of my past to discover what remains there. What did I learn? How did it change me? DO I feel at fault or was it their loss? What could I have done to fix it if anything?
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2ND CHANCES
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Granted most of these relationships could be considered relationshits. But there are some that were meaningful, or just young and confused. This is the final part where I think about what would happen if she called me up and wanted to give me a second chance.
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So that's the point of this story and how it will be told. I'll start from the beginning and end at present. If you want to stick around for the ride let me know and I'll keep you posted on the chapters. At the end of each one I would love questions or comments posted so I can answer. And if there's anybody who wants to get to know me more, my number is posted on my info section, text or call me. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy my Search for 14.
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Josh Hanson AKA JH Stevens
