xojustine's blog: "my blog"

Well, after a hellish 2 year relationship I had ended about several months ago I'm back on the single scene again. I couldn't have asked for more of a waste of my life than to be put through what I had to endure, jeez. I had been told when I met him, by his own family that he was an alcoholic wth an addictive personality due to the fact that he was adopted when he was a baby and his birth mother was a sever cocain and crack addict and had to have her stomach pumped while she was pregnant with him. Needless to say he was another statistic known as a crack baby. I felt bad he had to go through that but at the same time I thought it had no effect on his personaility at all. and I don't honestly know if it did contribute to the way he was or not. When I met him I knew he liked to drink but I never knew, until we broke up, that he was an alcoholic and was in rehab for it. I also had no idea he was an avid pill popper until I discovered that for my own eyes. There was one night where he got so drunk and started crying because he only got depressed when he drank and I told him I couldn't take it anymore with his drinking and told him I was leaving and started to get some things for the night to leave with. But he didn't want me to leave and was trying to grab my ahdn to open them so he could hug me I think but grabbed very hard. He never hit me but I wasn't about to let it come to that. He called me all kinds of nasty names I woudln't even call or treat sosmeone I hated, becase thats how he would treat me when he would get on his emotional rollercoaster of emotions. At that point it was about a year and a half into the relationship and I knew it wasn't going to last much longer. He proposed to me too, he was the first boyfriend I ever had to do that, which really meant a lot to me which probably was why I stayed with him for as long as I did. I hoped it would work until I started questioning him about how it was going to work, At the time I was working fulltime with a good job and had 2 dogs and lived with him in a doublewide trailer that was in a shitty park and was starting to fall apart.

And with repeated questioning his answer was that when we got married he would get a job, <b>because his disability woudl get cut off completely and I would have to support him fully, if he didn't get a job.</b>Then I started to think and realized he never could hold a job before what would make it so differnt now and instead of trying to work he decided that he would just keep on the same path he was on popping adderall and clonapins all day until his script ran out. He would go thru a 90 day prescription for both, in the matter of a week or 2. So one day I said enough with the drugs and alcohol I'm leaving and I left. So it's been several months now and an old friend (I consider an old friend because she's not much of a friend, especially now anwyay, although at one point she was a good friend, and she knows why she's not anymore, ahem jen.) 

So she reccomended POF>>a free dating website blah blah. I've been on there about 3 months now out of the several that I have been single. I have met about several different people and out of the several I finally met a keeper. All of the other ones that I met I did like, I thought were nice guys and was told I would have another date with them. Call me old fashioned but I am a strong believer in classical romance, old school romance where there is a "courting" period if you will. What I came to find out was that most men on there are full of shit, their profiles loaded with all this <b>looking for a longterm relationship</b> blah blah BLAH bullshit all in an attempt to get laid. After one date men assume they can take a shot at trying to get in bed with you? what is this world coming to? So out of several people I met 2 were complete scumbag liars who gave me somebullshit line about getting back with their ex's, the rest I either wasn't their type, or didnt' want a relationship at this moment. But out of it all I had made 2 good friends who have showed me that as a friend, they are pretty good and considerate people and not lookin g for "certain" things. ahem.

So I think I might have met the one. I suppose patience and perverance does pay off, although, I tend to play hard to get. I hate seeming desperate or too eager to have a serious relationship. So I'm just glad I met someone the only thing about it that aggravates me, is he has the same name as my most recent ex !!! how can I solve that lol I suppose I can call him an inital instead of his full name. lol idk. i gtg before my computrer gave me the blue screen of death keeps saying i have some critical error on it.

I had to do a system restore the other day and I thought it would have got rid of any kind of virus or anything but I'm not sure if it did. I have a firewall on and my macafee virus protection so I don't know why it told me the other day before I restored it, that I had a possible virus, got a blue screen, then my computer shut it self off, then i turned on, restored it, and now itw as good to go, but I'm having problems. The mouse and cursor keep moving a lot when i'm in programs and somehow end up clicking on a nother program it's wierd. idk. whatev.