Tuesday, July 03, 2007
I was Raped
Current mood: hopeful
Category: Life
OKay here it goes.. ramblings from an introvert so I hope you can keep up. This blog will tie into my next blog.
I was raped in Feb. of 2007. By a complete stranger in the parking lot of a club I've never been to before and never will again go to. I was in shock and denial the first week after it happened. I was numb. Then it hit me what really happened. I couldn't fake the smile anylonger. I was at church with my brother and his wonderful fiance'e, and after the service, i told them what happened to me. They weren't the first people I told, but the first to help me do what i needed to do. They took me to the Arlington Police Station, that turned out to be just right up the street from where I was raped. My brother and his fiance'e came into the empty room with me while I told the officer what happened that night in detail.. gave the location i was at, the discription of the hispanic that raped me, the truck he raped me against.. my friends i was with, everything.. even the detail of the rape itself. it was very hard to admit everything that happend. I was then given information on sexual assault and how to get help from here.
I went home and told my parents what happened, the next day I told my sisters what happened.
The days and weeks that followed were hell..crying everyday, no sleep, my self esteem was nowhere to be scene.. my smile was non existant.. i blamed myself for putting myself in that position, i hated myself. I didnt feel safe anywhere.. especially in parking lots or anywhere in public. I was dissapearing. I felt so much pain. But I still had to go to work.. and automattically all my co-workers noticed a change in me the next monday after my rape..
Im usually smiling, laughing, bubbly, very friendly.. but what showed up to work... was someone completely different. even my close friends couldnt get me to talk.. and that worried them. when I was finally able to tell my friends.. i got alot of support.
of course my family supported me.. but even with the support.. i hated myself.. i felt dirty. i couldnt take enough showers.
Finally i found a support group at my church for sexual assault victims. I started to attend there, we had a book and read a chapter every week and discussed it every thursday night..
Reading those first chapters, i learned alot. it stared to open my eyes to my past and learned i was assaulted before as a child in Hawaii on Waikiki Beach.. although i remembered it, I didnt see it as anything but "something that happened."
a month went by and the book and discussions really helped.. then I met Jason.
Onto the next blog...
Currently listening :
He Reigns: The Worship Collection
By Newsboys
Release date: 04 October, 2005
1:37 AM -
