Bored Guy's blog: "Rants"

Free will is not the ability to do what you want, it's the ability to tell everyone and everything to fuck off, society, nature, laws, so on and so forth. What separates humans from other animals? It's not imagination or intelligence, lets face it we have trained circus animals that can perform the functions of some of the most influential people in our society. No, it's our free will, our ability to circumvent natures plan. Let's look at that plan for a moment, the basics of every living creature, to eat, survive and perpetuate your genes, the same goes with plants. That's it in a nutshell, now humans have gone around this, we eat and drink things that will kill us, we commit violent suicides, some of us even take vows to abstain from sex their entire lives. Those are just a few rudimentary examples of free will, I won't go into any further depth with this, you can figure the rest out for yourself if you want, that’s your free will

I think I'm gonna write romance novels for guys. You know, like womens novels, but geared for guys. Lemme ask something, why is it that womens porn(and that's what it is, written porn) is called a "Romance Novel", and for guys it's called Literary Porn. First off, most guys don't even know what that means, all they see is porn and get excited. Secondly, you can buy romance novels off the bookshelf in Wal-Mart, hell they're low enough for ten year olds to grab. But guys, we get ours in a magazine wrapped in black plastic that just screams "PERVERT!" and gets us looks at the counter. Wait a minute, guys don't read porn, we look at it, guess that settles that one.

Who the hell are these guys that write shit on bathroom walls? These restroom Shakespeare's, and what the fuck are they doing writing on bathroom walls. Why would anybody go into a bathroom just to write on the walls? 'Cause let's face it, you have to have intent to write on walls, cause anyone taking a dump in a public restroom is doing so as a last resort, which means diarrhea and that's gonna keep 'em busy. And they can't do it while taking a piss, and if they can and are that talented, they need to find a woman, and fast. The rhymes are clever and all but let's face it, you write them in the shitter 'cause they're shit. To all you Gonorrhea Gnomes leaving numbers(For a good time call….) quit it, I'm sick and tired of wasted minutes for disconnected numbers or saying "Wrong number" when a dude answers. Guess what I'm trying to say is if I see someone in a bathroom with a pen or marker I'm going to shove it up your nose and write Dumbass on your brain

Ever run a stoplight? Ever wonder why? I'll tell you why, because the signal for stop is red and red is an angry color. Think about it, red is the color of anger, rage, and you see it on lingerie all the time(if you see red lingerie you sure as hell won't be stopping), so why make it a signal for stop. I run stop lights all the time because every time I see one I get pissed off because I'm not getting laid at the time, and it ain't easy explaining to the 5-0 why your pissed off with a hard on. So the next time you see a red stoplight, think on the first thing that comes to mind, and then act on it. Maybe the signal for stop should be purple or something.

Yado, Alright, another night at the bar complete. I've only got one thing on my mind right now, or actually ringing in my mind. That little friggin tone in your ear when everything is quiet, it drives me nuts. I feel like my brain is giving me that emergency broadcast signal and any moment it's gonna tell me, "Smoke 'em if you got 'em, 'cause you're fucked. Hell, it's part of the reason I drink, so I can pass out and sleep(Look How good it works, here I am almost twelve and I'm here.) Zado