F U and U and U
Current mood: thoughtful
Well I guess that got your attention. So this last couple weeks has been a couple weeks of partying and drinking hell. I seriously don't think it has stopped since I became single. It seems every time I am going to have an easy night, something comes up. I have had a blast, but I am going to kill myself if I keep going like this. There were nights I don't remember driving home, and nights that I know I should not have. So I have done some thinking during my drive time today.
1. I need to stop drinking for a while. I need to get my life in order and organize myself. Drinking really won't help anything in the long run except take away from what I am trying to save and do.
2. I need to kick up the work outs big time. The start of the school year I stepped in a nasty pothole while running and messed up everything really bad from my back on down. I started doing ok and getting back to it some, then almost stopped again while dating Ash. Turns out it is really hard to get out of bed with a beautiful woman laying beside you. So I am back to my 5am jogs every day. I also last week went to working out lifting and doing heavy bag work 3 days a week. I want another week of two a day workouts then I am going to go down and join ground control and get back into fighting. I really miss the boxing and karate that I used to be into. My goal is to be sitting right around 200 pounds even by the end of the school year, and in fighting shape.
3. I need to go back to training with firearms. I am going to concentrate this year on shooting old school style. I am going to shoot all single stack division. The iron sights are going to be rocked and the open guns are going away. I know this is not me typically, but I started back years ago with single stacks and just feel this will be a way for me to refocus and train. I will make Master class or higher this year in Single Stack.
4. I need to start working on getting hired by the prison system as a teacher or find a teaching job back in Cumberland within 2 years. Once back I want to start my own training company on the ranges I have. I want to take my knowledge gained from martial arts and single stack division and form an east coast training company on defensive techniques.
5. I need to be ok with me. I know right now that parts of my personality have stopped me from building good relationships with several important people over the years. Over the last 5 years I have had the opportunity to date some amazing people. I think I have messed up the relationships that we started just because of how I feel about myself at times.
6. I need to smile. I need to be real to myself. I need to be happy.
7. I need my friends. I know at times I have left some friends drop away over the years. I just want you to know that I realize I have messed up. I miss some of my good friends and it is time to rebuild some of those friendships. I realized last time I was in Frostburg that I do love a lot of the people from that area. I am not sure I will ever have friends like that here. The last trip I made for the weekend let me see a lot. Over the last couple years I have lost best friends.
8. Seeing Angie and Kyler really made me think about things I have done over the past couple years. I was there for a lot of her life as a friend, she was there for a lot of mine. I was there early and was asked to be his godfather. I realized that he does like when he gets to see me. I need to make a point of seeing them more.
I hope this makes sense to some of you. I will still be going out, but won't be drinking etc. I need to be a better person. For those of you I have hurt I truly am sorry. It is time for me to change.
