988055's blog: "Random"

Rules of living in the Houston area. Rules of Houston , H-Town, 3rd Coast, Bayou City , The Dirty 3rd, or whatever you wanna call it... 1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Hue-stun," not "Ewe-stun", or "house-tun" Oh yea, the street is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay" not "San Phil-eep" ( San Felipe) Enunciate, you idiots! 2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules. Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that. 3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610" which has no beginning and no end. 4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "Scenic Drive." 5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. 6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way. 7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian. 8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. 9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrases, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena !" or "God, I hate Baytown !" or "Mmm, smell that Texas City !" 10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. 11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way. 12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. In turn, the minimum speed on Westheimer is at least 45mph. 13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental. 14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone. 15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by. 16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR. 17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. 18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana. 19. If you live in Katy and I live on the south side of Houston, we'll never hang out. 20. The best thing about being drunk between 2-5 am is Whataburger will serve both breakfast and normal menus. 21. You are always able to be pulled over by any police vehicle, even if you were just given a ticket. 22. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the feeder like everyone else. This is how Houston resident's notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built. 23. Else-where, they are called frontage roads. Here in Houston, they are called FEEDER roads, so don't look stupid when we say "Exit the feeder road and use the loop-d-loop" or "flip a bitch" 24. Almeda Road is pronounced, "ALMEDA", NOT "AL -A-MEDA" If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to all of us who call this home..nothing but the truth and you know it!!! If you are a true Houstonian, repost this.

A Japanese explanation about the small arrow on your computer monitor. How does the small arrow on your computer monitor work when you move the mouse? Haven't you ever wondered how it works? The mystery is finally solved. Now, through the miracle of high technology, you can see how it is done. With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes visible. Click on the link below and you will find out. The image may take a minute or two to download an d, when it appears , slowly move your mouse over the light gray circle and you will see how the magic of the arrow is revealed. http://www.1-click.jp/

A fan of threesomes you are

'What is your Fortune?' at QuizUniverse.com

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time.... on a hill....on a curve...in the fog. 8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. 11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. 12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. As you grow older, you'll cry because time is passing too fast and you will eventually lose some one you love. So, take too many pictures, laugh too much and love like you've never been hurt. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. Gravity: Not just a good idea. It's the Law

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt." If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

This is a true story about a wedding that took place at an American University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each envelope was an 8x10 photo of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "Fuck you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, "Fuck you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge.... making the bride's parents pay over £15,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think they might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this:- Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends...........................................£15,000. Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion..........................................£1,500 Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui......................................................£5,000. The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 photo of the bride humping the best man...........Priceless. There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD