UnleashedBeast's blog: "Random Thoughts"

I crashed out early and now the Vampire in me has awakened. At least three more hours till sunrise and I must feed. I would love to drain the life-force of another, feeling their body go limp in my arms... Their heart rate rise in orgasm then suddenly fall as oxygen is depleted causing a violent cardiac arrest. Like an "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind" I crave to drain the memories of my chosen dysfunctional victim… Or is the other way around, and I would like to lose the memories of my damned path? Either way I must curb my bloodlust and find nourishment in another form. Similar to a lucid dream that interrupts my nightmarish existence an accident has caused a tailspin in sanity, confidence, and maybe vanity. What can I believe? What is real? What is happiness to me? The fiery star cannot rise quick enough to bring light to the darkness I am engulfed in at the moment. Pray for a Monet like "Vanilla Sky". Influenced by media, experience, and a limitless hope… Am I a writer or just another emotional mess that shares their thoughts and livelihood on a cyber diary? Either way this is the plasma that fuels this creature of the night. I don't seek to harm others, just in need of finding some peace for myself. When I take my last breath, when my senses finally fail me, will I be remembered? Probably not but know like a soul less spirit I will roam these lands forever alone looking to find what can never be found and I will be noticed. You, he, she, they… like the ghosts that have embraced me. My thoughts and knowledge will be passed on as have theirs. A love story, a tale of friendship, or family legacy… It doesn't take "The Scientist" to figure out that when things go sour sometimes it's best to just go back to the start. DO YOU remember the beginning?

Breathe and let go. It paves the way for who you become. Forgive, forget, and learn. Let the memories feed your heart and heal the wounds. Say goodbye with tears and let tender kisses blow in the wind. In the end... everything dies!! As I have learned even love.... Farewell Hope - Who am I to say Love of my life, my soulmate You're my best friend Part of me like breathing Now half of me is left I don't know anything at all Who am I to say you love me I don't know anything at all And who am I to say you need me Color me blue I'm lost in you Don't know why I'm still waiting Many moons have come and gone Don't know why I'm still searching Don't know anything at all And who am I to say you love me I don't know anything at all And who am I to say you need me Hmmm hmmm mmm Uhhh oohhh aahhh [Who Am I To Say lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com] Hooo aahhh ohh ohhh Now you're a song I love to sing Never thought it'd feel so free Now I know what's meant to be And that's okay with me But who am I to say you love me And who am I to say you need me And who am I to say you love me Mmmm Hmmm I don't know anything at all And who am I to say you love me I don't know anything at all And who am I to say you need me I don't know anything at all I don't know anything at all I don't know anything at all I don't know anything at all

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, teacher, fraternal brother or sister, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know that at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without the small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. Most importantly, if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store. And finally, enjoy looking forward to learning a new lesson each day and enjoying the journey.

Even stars fade... Some explode, some implode... Others fall, shoot, and some even rise. Look deep into my words. We all play a roll in this play called life. The rolls sometimes change and at times the show is disbanded. BUT, while the curtain is open the show must go on so make sure your cast is full of true stars. Superstars are rare and most are facade. When you find fake ones let them shoot to their own destruction far from you. The problem is distinguishing true from false. You get burnt from time to time but bask in glory when you survive just to see that "superstar" read the same lines to the next playwright. Remember all stars fade, even your own. So make sure while you shine... shine as bright as you can for as long as you can. Find only the purest of lights to rise with and never let burning stars bring you down. So which star are you? "If you are what you say you are A super star Then have no fear the camera's here and the microphone and they wanna know Oh oh oh oh If you are what you say you are A super star Then have no fear the crowd is here and the lights are on and they want a show Oh oh oh oh"

On this last day of 2007 like many others I am making my resolution. This coming year will be different. Not cause I’m swearing off alcohol, woman, or any one of my many other vices. No I am not worried about joining a gym and getting into better shape. My resolution is simple… this year I am making sure that I am number 1 in my life. Nothing and no one will derail me from my goals, dreams, or hopes. I have come to see that as of right now my past will not be part of my future any more then the foundation of getting older and hopefully wiser. This season I have more or less kept to myself. If you have heard from me then that’s because I felt you needed to know I’ll be around. If you haven’t then either I think you know I’ll be there or I really could care less about you. Whether you’re reading this or not, in your heart you know which applies. The way I view many things has changed. With my emotions I have to become a bit more heartless. Throughout the years I have always been told I am too nice. It’s true, I am easily taken for granted, unappreciated, and or taken advantage of. It’s time to tighten down and get a better grip on my life. The process has already started and the next step is weeding through who I want and need to be in my life. Many people out there do not deserve the right to be called friend. If you are reading this and taking offense then the door is open you can walk out anytime you please. This may sound harsh but from now on everything is earned. Trust, friendship, love… EVERYTHING!! If you have done me wrong and not made amends then it is too late to apologize. From this point on there is no second chances once someone had turned their back on me. MOTTO for the year… GIVE THEM NOTHING BUT TAKE FROM THEM EVERYTHING!! (This does not mean I am looking to use anyone but again from now on nothing is given… you must earn what you want or deserve from me) I am still me. My compassion has not faded but it will be limited. If something or someone is not in my best interest then my door will close. Bars have been set and I will not settle for anything less. I know what I want out of life. I know what it feels like to be loved and to have truly loved. I know how true friends should treat you and vice versa. DON’T EVER BREAK YOUR OWN PERSONAL RULES. That is the main reason for this outlook and decision for 2008. When you break the rules you set for yourself in life, you let your guard down. It’s your fault when you get hurt. You can try to blame the people that hurt you but in the end you broke the rules. Well to the people who choose to stick it out with me… I thank you in advance. Happy New Year everyone and please be very safe tonight.

Early Dec 07 It will be realized that once upon a time happiness was found in all of me. The rain will fall and it will storm yet again, because the air in the world outside of mine, the air that you breathe is filled with the toxins that have been killing you for years. Evolution will be forced to come to pass and this breed of Beast will remain no longer. You will always have all of me but I will be stolen from you... let into a whole new world. The words I speak, just like prophecy will be contridicted, shunned, and wont be understood till one opportune time. Do not shed tears when I'm gone cause it will be too late. Those tears will burn like acid knowing that happiness was also found within all of you. When you cried out for me I tried to be there but you turned your back everytime. You were the one thing I was sure about till you became unsure yourself and pushed me into a swirling tornado of hurt.

So here it is another Christmas has come and almost left. Just as in 06, the New Year is a total enigma to me. Last year I was home for vacation and found myself staying to hopefully find happiness. That happiness left me with little warning. This coming year I’m aiming to find it again wherever it opens it‘s doors. Everyone in my life, past present, and future… you have every ounce of love I can give. I may not always be active in all of your lives all the time, but anytime we reunite my life always welcomes you all in. A small few of you, know and accept all of me. An even smaller few, less then a hand full know… but do not. Even you… Have all of my love. My life is still in turmoil but it’s heading back on track. I finally have a grasp on my goals, and a new appreciation for my dreams. This holiday season while I am not whoring out a mass of Christmas cards, comments, Emails, and messages… if you are reading this then know it’s still heartfelt. I wish you all the same bright future as I pray for myself. All across the globe there are friends I want to meet and places I want to see. New journey’s and people I can’t wait to embrace you. I hope that my wishes to see “Maple Leaves and Cherry Blossoms” come to pass in 08. With that said I hope all of my loved ones have some glimmer and hope for greater things. Merry Christmas everyone and serenity for the New Year!!