Some things that I think are attributing to my moods of sadness are: pain, frustration, and fear
• Pain: I'm in constant pain of one sort or another. If it’s not my back it’s my scar from the c-section, or one of my knees (though this is becoming rarer and rarer). I am currently in physical therapy for my back and the scar stuff, but I get frustrated because every time I go in I see a different therapist and they add more exercises/stretches to my list, and I am having a hard enough time finding the time to do the ones I had before. It also feels like every time I do the stretches and exercises I just wind up more stiff and in more pain. The last few nights I have gone to bed in pain and had to just lay there as my back spasm out due to the pain and being so tired I could not move.
• Frustration: I feel like I should be doing more. More cleaning, more artwork, more visiting friends, just more… but I don’t feel like I have the time, energy, or ability to do so.
• Fear: that I am not doing enough, fear that I am not giving enough love to my husband, to my son, fear that I am not good enough, that I will fail everything I try, fear that I can not handle this trip that is coming up by my self. I’m scared that I will fail and in failing I will somehow hurt my son.
Does any of this make sense? Am I being silly/stupid? Am I over analyzing my life/thoughts/feelings? Or is this normal…
btw - I do not mean for this entry to be a "I'm complaining" post, I'm just trying to get my feelings into words.. and not have them just to myself... I think that has been and is part of my problem I keep most of my feelings bottled up inside and do not let them out, until they force themselves out in one large jumbled up messy lump.
