Ramblings of a mixed up mom LOL Blog by HappilyConfused
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****Let me edit this just a bit... I feel I need to add some information... Do NOT get me wrong, it takes two to either make or break a marriage... I am not innocent by far... I have made my share of mistakes in the past 13 years, but I can honestly say that I have not deceived, lied, or forgotten the fact that I'm married... He has... I have tried in the past to make this marriage work... but a woman can only take so many times that her husband cheats on her... Twice he has been caught... Both times, he's denied it... Both times he threw it back in my face and made me the one to blame... There have been so many times that he's done this, but only twice has he been caught in the act, so to speak... OK, so maybe I am to blame for some of this, but does that give him the right to continue as he has done? No, it does not... ***** I do not even know how to begin this blog... I do not come to this site often anymore because of things that have happened, that I've seen, that I've gotten proof of... Every one of my friends know that I'm married, I've never hidden that fact... I feel that being up front and honest is the best policy... No, a few male friends could not handle the fact that I'm married, but hey, that was their problem.. At least I was honest... That's more than I can say about the man that I've been married to for almost 13 years... He is the one that is NOT honest with most women here, or at any other site he is on for that matter... He has told women that he is divorced and has been, when in fact, he is NOT.. He is still married to me... Why? That is a good question... I haven't figured that one out yet... But, this morning, it all came crashing down once again because I was "handed" proof of his LIES... In fact, I know this blog is going to cause a mini war here at home because once he reads this, that's when all hell will break loose... Normally I would keep this all to myself, but I'm done doing that.. Me and my kids deserve a better life than what we are living now... For anyone that has been "taken in" by this man.. I pity you... Here is my proof that I got this morning... The names involved have been XXX'ed out.. I will not reveal them to have them be put through the hell I know I will be put through.... XXXXXXXX [10:10 A.M.]: HAVE YOU TALKED TO DAVE OOOOOOOO [10:10 A.M.]: not recently XXXXXXXX [10:11 A.M.]: HE DONT LIKE ME RIGHT NOW OOOOOOOO [10:11 A.M.]: What did you do? XXXXXXXX [10:12 A.M.]: WELL, HE WAS LYING TOO ONE OFMY FRIENDS XXXXXXXX [10:13 A.M.]: HE TOLD HER HE HAD BE DIVORCE FOR 6 YEARS OOOOOOOO [10:13 A.M.]: Really? XXXXXXXX [10:14 A.M.]: YEAH I BUSTED HIS ASS WIDE OPEN OOOOOOOO [10:15 A.M.]: I see XXXXXXXX [10:17 A.M.]: YEAH DID THEY WERE A COUPLE ONLINE SHE WANTED TO MARRY DAVE XXXXXXXX [10:17 A.M.]: IWAS LIKE HOUSTIN WE HAVE PROBLEM XXXXXXXX [10:17 A.M.]: LOL XXXXXXXX [10:20 A.M.]: DAVE ADMITTED HE WAS STILL MARRIED *BUT TOLD SHERI I WAS LYIN AT FIRST* OOOOOOOO [10:21 A.M.]: What were you lyin about? OOOOOOOO [10:21 A.M.]: or just when you first told her? XXXXXXXX [10:21 A.M.]: WHEN SHE CONFONT HIM XXXXXXXX [10:23 A.M.]: I TOLD SHERI I WOULD IM HIS WIFE BUT, IDIDNT OPEN THAT CAN OF WORMS XXXXXXXX [10:25 A.M.]: SO, DAVE REALIZED WHO I WAS AND HE KNEW HE BETTER SHERI THE TRUTH XXXXXXXX [10:28 A.M.]: I EVEN TOLD SHERI I DONT LIKE HIS WIFE BUT, RESPECT HER SHE'S BESTFRIEND'S FRIEND XXXXXXXX [10:29 A.M.]: LOL SO HE HATES ME NOT I CARE XXXXXXXX [10:29 A.M.]: O:-) OOOOOOOO [10:29 A.M.]: Hmm and this is gonna keep me from tellin her? OOOOOOOO [10:30 A.M.]: When did al this happen? XXXXXXXX [10:31 A.M.]: ABOUT A MONTH AGO XXXXXXXX [10:32 A.M.]: FIRST PART OF JAN XXXXXXXX [10:32 A.M.]: I DONT CARE IF YOU TELL HER XXXXXXXX [10:33 A.M.]: SHE NEEDS TO GET AWAY FROM HIM XXXXXXXX [10:34 A.M.]: ONE DAY HE'S GONNA BRING HOME SOMETHING AJAX WONT SRUB OFF

grrrr

I have tried for months now to add new photos... this site will not let me for some reason... So, I guess my friends just don't get to see the "new me"... Someday I may figure this thing out!!! LOL
A few weeks ago, I made a personal decision.. for myself... I decided I was no longer going to spend my time here. Something happened, something I will NOT discuss with anyone.. so do not bother asking... I only come back right now to post this... to say what needs to be said and can only hope YOU read this.. YOU do not know all of me... you do not know what goes on in my my head... You do not even try to understand me. You say things, you do things.. but then walk away once again... You will not even take the time to try and understand anything about me... One thing you need to understand.. I will not 'break'.. I am who I am.. I love who I am... No, I do not love HOW I am sometimes, but hey, we all have to accept the bad along with the good... something YOU aren't willing to do... But I tell you this.. WHEN that day comes that you can accept me and a few other things.. you know where to find me... I'm not going anywhere... Now, with all that said, I'm out.. See you around...
Seems I've been doing some thinking, of life's many ups and downs Countless tears that I've shed, and so many wasted frowns Many times I've criticized myself, hating the inner me All those painful days alone, yearning to be free Replaying everyone's cruel laughter, spiteful things said Taken so many years, to erase those voices from my head "You'll never amount to anything, you'll always be alone" Salty tears would fall, while those woeful thoughts roamed Continuously beaten, always pushed down to the ground Yet I never fought back, never made a single sound Never believed in myself, heart left bruised and broken Left with a tattered soul, from the cruel words spoken Believing I was no good, thought those words were truth That's why melancholy and loneliness, took up most of my youth Numbing out pain with drugs, self harm and drinking Only now got my act together, had time to do some thinking Overcome so much, know now I'm stronger than I show While some may not think much, there's things they need to know All their constant name calling, and spiteful cruel put downs Have only made me more determined, to turn my life around Taken so long, to be comfortable in my own skin Countless years wasted, trying to deal with the hurt within Now I'm learning I'm all that I need, finally standing tall So continue trying to hurt me, but you'll no longer watch me fall Going to show them I've got courage, so much determination That I'm going to start living life, without any hesitation I'm going to become everything I ever wanted, and more Finally learning I've so much to offer, it's time to let it show
Ok, I've really had it with people... Hell, it's not like my life hasn't been a living hell for the past few days or anything.... With that said, I will now say this... take it as you will... I have NEVER lied about who I am, how I am, or the fact that I'm married... People ask, I tell them the truth... I'm not a person that will lie about anything, especially when I'm asked... I'm always up front about everything. That way there are no surprises later. Now, all because of someone not believing that I DID tell them the truth about who and what I am, they have blocked me... that's fine, block me all you want... Just do NOT ever say that I wasn't up front with you about anything, because then YOU will be the one that is lying... Now, if anyone else feels the need to block me, then do it... it just tells me that you weren't a friend to begin with...
I just want all my friends to know that if I'm not very talkative for awhile, it's because of the day that I've had.... I was up all night with food poisoning then I wake up to my alcoholic brother threatening my oldest son... As a mother, I stepped in, and because I protected my children, I almost ended up in jail for protecting them. The only way I could stay out of jail, was to have my ex come and take my children for the night.. and believe me, anyone that knows me, knows that my children are my life and my world... seeing my ex drive away with my children in his car about destroyed what was left inside of me. And everyone else thinks that the laws in their state are f**ked up!!!! Try living here and try protecting your child from an alcoholic that threatens their lives... you do that, and you could possibly go to jail. Anyway, just wanted you all to have a heads up as to why I may be a bit quiet for awhile...

Trust

I've heard it said so many times "Just listen to your heart" but to understand what is being shared takes "Trust" right from the start "Trust" your eyes to lead the way to find the beauty beneath the cover it's always more than meets the eye when you find that perfect lover "Trust" the touch that is soft and tender from the hand that holds you near the feel of love flows to your core soon acceptance replaces fear "Trust" the sound of the voice inside you it knows you best of all the truth you seek is yours alone no other hears its call So trust yourself to find the way when life's journey becomes real dark trust will break the chains of doubt and let you "Listen to your Heart"

Love

Embrace the love while you can sometimes forever isn't always the plan. Do not regret what makes you smile 'cause it may not last but just for a little while. It can be kind or can be mean sometimes it's not what it seems. So if you can hold love tight remember to try it's worth the fight.
Every time you look at me, I get lost in your beautiful, loving eyes. Seeing them is even more wonderful Than glazing at the stars in the sky. Every time I see you smile at me, I feel my heart skip a beat. I get a tingly feeling, From my head to my feet. Every time you talk to me, I feel like I'm in a dream. But of course, I'm still wide awake And your voice is as wonderful as it seems. Every time you laugh with me, I'm in a state of pure bliss. I look forward to seeing you everyday And I look forward to moments like this. How could my life be any better? We have something I truly adore. But there is only one problem, You haven't asked me to be yours. I sit here patiently, And wonder what I should do. And when will I finally get the guts To tell you that I love you.
Tonight the stars shine so bright, Dancing away in the sky like lights. Each one promising a wish come true, They even guided me to you. I'm counting stars tonight, One, two, three, Will you ever love me? Four, five, six, Will I ever be the one you miss? I pick a star in the sky, Wishing it'll connect us with a tie. Darling, I would fly so high, Just to have you by my side. You have no idea how far I'd go, For you to love me so. I'm still counting stars tonight, Seven, eight, nine, What will it take for you to be mine? Star number ten, Promise me you aren't like other men. Because I swear one day love, I will be your precious angel from above.
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