The theme music roars throughout the entire studio, everyone's in their places, and yes, the cameras are rolling. Don't you see the red light on... Don't get too nervous, there's no studio audience... We're not live... you can make mistakes. I've told you a million times your line is: "But I DONT love YOU anymore..."
For pete's sake, get it right. ...and cut, that's a wrap. Set it and print it, we've got ourselves a film here. A real classic. Fuck happy endings... There are no shootouts... Daring stunts, yea a few; but forget about riches and beautiful women (our stylest quit on the second day of shoot, so all we have are Plain Janes in this movie) Whad'ya mean you haven't heard of it, we've been advertising for months!!
It's called "My Life", and its nothin but drama. Here's pretty much how the story plays out...
The story pans out at the end of his high school year in a wannabe city in Kentucky... This kid, the main character, he has like no friends... Let me tell you, there are no surprises here... What does a boring, lonely, high school grad do? He goes to college. He drinks. He parties. Maybe he fucks a chick or two, or ten, who cares? Sex sells. But the catch is a failing relationship. And for once the woman didn't cause it, no, he instigates the entire breakup. And afterward... yeah afterward. C'mon fellas, what is the first thing a guy does after a breakup? You beat the brakes off some random goddess... that's just real life, who cares? Shitty family life, shitty college grades, all in all the whole mess is just rolling downhill, and picking up speed... There's more juiciness in the mix, but I don't want to spoil the big plot twist. Long story short, he skips town... First class ticket to Great Lakes, IL... Naval Boot Camp. The pathetic bastard (no, literally, he's a bastard) joins the military. Get's a fancy job doing Air Traffic Control. They ship him out to Spain, that about where the real fun begins...
Ladies and Gentleman, we said: "Fuck the ratings!", to bring you such a fantastic plot twist... He reaches Spain, far from his former life and problems.. But we decided to make Bullshit fly. We gave this guy emotions. Damn are we good, creative, eh? So all of the shit he ran away from, comes right back to him like "Gotcha Bitch!" (Just so you know, we cast Paris Hilton to play his problems, that way you can really feel how stupid and annoying these problems are...) How does the movie end?? I can't spoil it for you...
OK, I'll give you a little more..
What would you do if you were living in a foreign country, beautiful weather, sexy beaches.... And everything that drove you nuts followed you everywhere you went? Keep in mind, this guy, the main character, he's a runner... Always running from confrontation...
Just know there's likely to be a sequel, but you won't like it, because then we'll reveal his big secret... And you aren't ready for that..
Grab a ticket, dude... You gotta see this shit, now! It won't be on DVD for another 50 years. And if you think you can handle it, ask the star of the show to tell you about the big secret, maybe you're VIP, and he can get you stage passes as we shoot Part 2....
