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Gambit's blog: "priceless"

created on 04/08/2008  |  http://fubar.com/priceless/b205738
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. * * * * * * * * * Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. * * * * * * * * * At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. * * * * * * * * * That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" * * * * * * * * * The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. * * * * * * * * * A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. * * * * * * * * * 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. * * * * * * * * * Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." * * * * * * * * The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
I Know Jack Schitt ,,,,SO YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SCHITT I WILL TELL Y'ALL ABOUT HIM ....He's the only son of Awh Schitt. Awh Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awh Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owerner of Kneedeep Schitt Inn. Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. They produced Six children. Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, and another son, Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Lotta Schitt, and they had a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married theHappens brothers. The Schitt Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt, and Horace Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spicy number Pisa Schitt, and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt. NOW YOU KNOW JACK SCHITT
Little Ramy was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Ramy, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, RAMY described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick......-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.
Giving .........head....... massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories. Swallowing foreign body juices is actually like taking vitamins and it whitens your teeth The American Dental Association says that semen cuts plaque better than mouth wash, so suck a dick and save a smile. Having nice sex burns 358 calories. Having rough sex [make it hurt] burns 543 calories. Take off her clothes with her consent.........................12 cal without......................187 cal Take off her Bra With two hands..........................8 cal With one hand.........................12 cal With mouth.............................85 cal Put on Protection hard ........................... 6 cal soft..........................315 cal Foreplay Looking for target...................8 cal Finding G spot ......................92 cal I don't F***ing care.....................0 cal Entry Holding her..................12 cal On the floor.................8 cal With Different Position Missionary..........................358 cal Doggy...........................316 cal 69 lying...............................286 cal 69 standing.............................512 cal Italian hanger.........................912 cal Orgasm Real................................112 cal Faking................................315 cal After "O" Lying in Bed............................18 cal Hop off the bed............................36 cal Wondering why she left pissed off...........816 cal Get dressed Quiet and calm...........................32 cal Rushing.........................98 cal Heard her boyfriend opening the door.............1218 cal Heard her dad at the door.............1942 cal Her mom walking in..............................Priceless!!!LOL
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