WeRSoulMateslooking's blog: "Polyamory"

But if you love someone, you shouldn't want anyone elsse. That's a common idea, but it doesn't hold up in practice. Many people believe that a person who has multiple loves can't give thier "whole heart" to any person. The belief goes that if you love one person, you can express your love wholeheartedly, but if you love multiple people, your love is divided up and therefore not as deep. This is based on the "starvation model" of love--that is, you only have a limited amount of love, and if you give your love to one person, there is none left to give to anyone else--so if you fall in love with another person, you have to "pay" for it by withdrawing your love from the first person. Love is not the same thing as money. With money, you have only a limited amount to spend, and when you give it to one person you have less to give to another. But love behaves in wonderful and unpredictable and counterintuitive ways. When you love more than one person, you soon realize that the more love you give away, the more love you have to give. Yes, you CAN give your hole heart to more then one person, and when you do, you realize it's the most beautiful feeling in all the world. Don't think of the contents of your heart they way you think of the contents of your wallet; it doesn't work like that. Anyways, as I was saying, in a poly relationship, it is vital--perhaps even more vital than monogamous relationship--for everyone involved to know and understand the rules of the relationship, and abide by them. A successful poly relationship absolutely requires trust and security from everyone involved. If you cannnot abide by the relationship's rules, you cnnot expect to make a polyamorous relationship work.

Poly, schmolly. It's just polite way of saying your partner lets you cheat. No Cheating is breaking the rules. If you aren't breaking the rules of your elationship, you are not cheating, y definition. The rules need not be explicit; even breaking the tacit rules of a relationship is cheating. If you do anything you cannot feel comfprtable telling your mate about, or if you do anything which you know would make your mate unhappy if he or she knew about it,you re cheating plain and simple. Polyamory is a completely different way to define your relationship. Polyamory is an acknowledgment of the simple fact that relationships do not come in "one size fits all" In a poly relationship-- Okay, okay, I understand. Poly is for people who can't commit! No, no, no. Just the opposite, in fact; people who can't commit to one person sure as hell can't make a lasting commitment to two! It's been my experience that many monogamous people actually practice "serial monogamy"--jumping from lover to lover to lover, while claimingto be "monogamous" with each one. While no reasonable person expects every relationship to last, it seems that many "serial monagamists" see their partners as expendable, or more often, stay with one partner only until someone"better" comes along. Polyamory is more ethical that serial monogamy as it is sometimes practiced; polyamorists do not discard their lovers when the next interesting person walks down the road. This flavor of serial monogamy is, I thinkd, th essence of people who can't commit!

All right, so what is "polyamory"? The word "ployamory" is based on the Greek and Latin for "many lovers." A polyamorous relationship is a romantic relationship the involves more then two people. You mean, like swinging? Not exactly, Swinging has a different focus. Swingers focus on recreational sex, though friendships and deeper bonds may develop. With polyamory, deep relationships are the focus, though the sex is often fun. Oh, I gotcha, So, like, you have a girlriend on the side. No. That is something different as well. The technical term for that is "cheating" Six of one, half a dozen of the other. No. The thing that defines a polyamorous relationship is that everyone involved knows about, and agrees to, everyone else's involvement. If you are married, and you have a grilfriend that your wife doesn't know about, or that your wife suspects but isn't sure about, or that your wife knows about but isn't happy with you're not poly, you're cheating. Similarly, if you're banging the milkman while your husband is out of town, you're not poly, you're cheating. Polyamory is defined by informed consent of all the participants. Without it, it ain't poly. If you can't invite your lover over to thanksgiving dinner with the rest of your family because you don't want anyone to know what you're doing, it probably ain't poly.