nikohl's blog: "poetryy"

is this real? all the pain i feel? is this the life im destined to live? dont you think its been fulfilled? why is it that no matter how much i sacrifice or how much i go through its never satisfying enough for you? like you always need a little more a little more blood a few more tears a little less love and a whole lotta hate ive been taken from heaven and placed at this gate... the decision is mine do i take it or hide? but instead .. i swallow my pride i open the gate , and face my fate consumed by the fire .. infatuated with the pain lost in this world never to be seen again

tears control me .. blood relieves me .. happiness has never met me ... anger consumes me and all i fight for .. the tears ive cried no matter how hard i try the blood always has to drip.. closed fists.. bruised knuckles sliced wrists... being okay just never seems to fit.. bcuz i wasnt god's gift .. i was put here to suffer... my feelings to be muffled.. never noticed but always heard like a whisper in the darkness knowledge of my pain but not enough to stop it. he sees right through me he knows im already transforming .. soon enough itll be over " her pulse is dropping" all i hear is sirens .. a hand around my throat... & it all fades to darkness ........

fuck broken, im shattered all the peices scattered not that it even matters but its too much for me to handle lost my grip on life it just faded.. slipped away with no answer voices always telling me jus live for today but i cant keep my mind out the past it has a tendency to sneak up & knock me on my ass i fight it with no desire to win its become too much work... to keep on trying but i kno it will never end so the blood splatters and the tears go tumbling after. & soon enough..with a slice and some force... nothing will ever matter

Im sorry Im not perfect Im sorry I'll never be good enough Im sorry I cant be everything you want Im sorry for all the pain I caused Im sorry I cant make you smile Im sorry Im not the daughter you wanted Everyone .. Im sorry for my sins Im sorry for my mistakes Im sorry you cant love me Im sorry I was bad Im sorry for lying Im sorry for being sad Im sorry for the way I treated you Im sorry for breaking your heart Im sorry for being sorry but this is all I know Im sorry you dont understand me And Im sorry you never will Im sorry that it happened ... Im sorry that i forgave him Im sorry for everything ; all the ups and downs Im sorry for thinking I would get better Im sorry for wanting to be loved Im sorry for needing you Im sorry that you gave birth to me Im sorry that Im still here Im sorry that things didnt work out exactly how you planned Im sorry Im not perfect ... I hope you understand

faced toward the mirror her fears and secrets exposed released fron her trapped in soul she gazes into the mirror as if her reflection werent real her fiery blue eyes show the pain that wont heal drifting slowly from reality into a trance her eyes tell you things your ears wouldnt want to chance

hidden secrets, silent screams everlasting repulsive dreams watch through her eyes.. the pain inflicted on her heart drowning in her tears immersed in her thoughts thinkin how the anguish never seems to stop her torment is manifested by the silence of her cries. her mutilation derives from many years of lies even when shes happy... all she seems to kno is sorrow if i had one wish for this girl... it would be for a better tomorrow

i cant stand lookin at you yer despicable from yer perfect hair to yer expensive kicks you left me here with nothing you have it all all of it leaving me here alone with my ugly eyes & my battered clothes i hate you more than anything always in the spotlight no where left for ME to shine youve got everything everything i want & you dont even need it i dispise everything about you how can you just give up on everything when i try so hard to do everything as perfectly as possible & you just smile like its okay & turn yer back & walk away PLEASE dont infuriate me & tell me everything is alright nothing will ever be right especially when you make everything so wrong im so tired of having this dispute with you EVERY SiNGLE DAY i just HATE that im nothing like you when we're alike in EVERY single way.