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*My Pain*

Written on 10/11/2005 The love I miss while she's away my love, my lifeline, my soul's comfort This beautiful creature that I helped create The innocence that I brought into a wicked world. I love her so She keeps my head on straight Away from her is nothing but confusion No direction, no reason to go home No reason to sleep, no reason to look forward to another day without her. But in her name I find Hope I find the love I long for in her arms. Her eskimo kisses bring tears to my soul. Her butterfly kisses put smiles in my eyes. Her little embrace fulfills my every need. If anything I need in this world, it is she If anything I long for is to hear her precious voice. She is a jewel found in the eyes of God. Her pain makes the deepest cut in my heart. Her cries I hear in my minds ears and I reach for her She knows me She knows my hurts and sorrows But she also knows better than I. God whispers in her ears, "Comfort thy mother, child, for she is pained." she listens to the soft whisper And I hurt no more This poem is dedicated to the love of my life, my daughter, Hope Elizabeth who is away from me with her daddy. To have to share her love and affection is the most painful thing I have had to endure and will ever endure. I want to be selfish, but know I can't. Forget the divorce, forget the heartache I've suffered all my life, a mother away from her child is a tragic thing.

*Confusion*

Written on 10/11/2005 I'm on Cloud 9 And things are unclear Do I want this or not? Is this something I can hold on to? I'm afraid this feeling will go away, Afraid this isn't real. So afraid it's gonna hurt all over again. Can't get this off my mind and it scares me so much. Don't wanna feel these feelings, but it's starting again Will I build walls? Can they be broken down? My defenses rearing their ugly head Keeping me from feeling at all. Back and forth my senses go Up and down my heart beats All stirring an uneasiness about me Will I continue to be who I am? Fearing for the welfare of my heart Feeling vulnerable So confused I protect myself and say nothing at all Feel nothing at all Refusing to let history repeat.
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