I've always believed that love would find me. One day, I'd look up and realize I trust this man completely, I can depend on him, he's "the one", I can spend my life with him, he's my best friend, I can share all my quirks without fear, and can't wait to raise a family with him. But, all of a sudden I'm thirty and "the one" hasn't come.
I don't think that waiting for something to click and feel right is impossibly unrealistic. I'm not waiting for perfection or prince charming to come along and sweep me off my feet. I honestly don't think I'd enjoy participating in a fairy tale. I'm too used to taking care of myself and those around me to play the princess. I guess I'm just wishing for the man with the right set of imperfections to come along, a partner in crime so to speak. I'm not willing to settle. And I won't give in to a guy that doesn't light me up, because the worst thing I can imagine is the heartache of a failed marriage and the break up of a family. But right now, after having put in a twenty hour day taking care of my family, my house, my work, and not being able to sleep because my mind keeps racing with things left undone, I wouldn't mind having the right guy show up with a shoulder for me to lean on just in case I falter.
Maybe I missed my chance. Maybe fate introduced the right man to me and I was looking the other way. Maybe I'm thirty and single because I didn't take a chance. I'm not willing to give up on the idea of the right guy yet. I'll continue to be patient. I'll keep my eyes wide open awhile longer. I'm just afraid that I'll suddenly be forty and have missed my chance for a family and someone to share my life with.
I probably sound like a nut, but I just really needed to vent, I'm tired, and have too many responsibilities without enough time to breathe. I don't regret what I've taken on, and I'd do it again if given the choice, but sometimes it would be really fantastic to have the man I love by my side. I guess the middle of the night is a bewitching time for confessions:-) thanks for listening to mine.