Tese's blog: "Personal Thoughts and Feelings"

I thought I would stop by and update all my sweet and true friends here on fubar. I am rejuvenated and feeling wonderful. I am home from the hospital since this Saturday the 26th of January 2008 and I am no longer in heart failure at this time, my energy levels are returning to semi normal and I feel refreshed! I am still having some trouble with my blood being too thick and if you know my story this is a bad thing as a clot will shut down my mechanical aortic valve, however I have hope and faith all will work out, in the meantime I am taking 4 shots of lovenox (a blood thinner like heparin that you get in the hospital if needed but these are prefilled syringes so no measuring yeahhh LOL) I take 4 a day and they also increased my coumadin (blood thinner medicine) they also increased my lasix (water pill to keep the Congestive heart failure from returning so much) as you can imagine this keeps me close to the bathroom LMAO. I have other great news while I was in the hospital my mortgage application for my new home went through and I will be in my newly built 3 BR 2 bath ranch home on or before March 15th 2008!!! I am so excited and cannot wait to be a homeowner an dinvest in the future for my children! Some have asked about my pictures being taken down, well after much thought I decided it was not me to show or share private parts or intimate moments with complete strangers or anyone for that matter, and after much guilt and shame decided I need to get back to who I truly am and I know this will be at the loss of a few very dear friends, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to deal with. I have no time, nor desire to deal with those who are friends for the mere fact they want to see me naked or intimate photos of me. I do truly hope my true friends stay friends despite the taking down of my naughty photos also I have decided I need to separate myself from those who bring me down, upset me, stress me out, and go against my morals. If you are reading this I am sure you are not one of the ones I am speaking about ;) Much Love, Laughter, and Happiness to you always! xoxoxo Tese

Well this seems to be the worst month I have had since my near death experience in March of 2005 (Read my terminal illness Testimony under my heart blog for more details here http://fubar.com/blog/155497/610628) anyway I have had so much heartbreak I am not a whiner, nor someone who likes to display my emotions all the time however i need to write this to vent and explain my feelings especially to my dear friends who have been helping me through this awful time. You know who you are and I love you for loving me, words cannot justify my feelings for each one of you! I am now in congestive heart failure which may seem like a tragedy to some but I deal with occasionally and always make it through so I am not too worried and you shouldn't be either ;)I am taking extra lasix and potassium for the next few days to control this if it doesn't work I will go in for a hospital stay for a bit which is also something I am used to (**If I do go in and you want to contact me while I am in the hospital you will need to ask my husband how to do that via address or phone... add him he is my top friend of course**) Now I am praying for Christmas at home and not spent in the hospital. anyway next news I get is that my husbands cousin who is like a brother to him is in ICU in a coma on a respirator because he was high on cocaine and the cops beat him to death yep he died they revived him then he died again and revived him again now he is brain dead and the family is struggling with one doc saying nothing will change while another says to be optimisit, then my grandfather was placed in the hospital for congestive heart failure the same day my uncle was taken for his kidneys failing they both remain in the hospital. next thing that happens is My aunts boyfriend who is like my uncle was taking his car to the races when it slipped off the trailer and he stopped to secure the tire and slipped in the mud fell head first over the bridge he was on and broke his neck in the creek below if his son was not there he would have drowned he was taken to surgery yesterday to repair his spine he is on a ventilator and they had surgical complications, now tonight I got the call my uncle will probably die he took a turn for the worse and my mom and aunt were there with him. Then just a few moments ago we got the news hubby's cousin took a turn for the worse and may not make it through he night. I know everybody has tragedies and everyone loses people they love but how much can one be expected to take in a few weeks time? I am so devastated it is hard for me to function I am not even concerned about myself I just think what will happen next? When will this bad streak end? Isn't this supposed to be the month of Joy and celebration? funny because I don't feel much like even having a celebration this month. I try to keep my faith but one can only take so much before its too much. It puts into perspective alot of things like telling everyone how much I care and how much they mean to me, ah I just lost my desire to even finish this blog if you read this far thank you for being a great friend and for taking a moment to read. I love you all always and forever Tese