Eugene The Eclectic Wiccan's blog: "Pagan Humour"

Under the bright full moon, in the grove at the center of the Hundred Acre Wood, the celebrants come together. Pooh, as summoner, bids them to enter into the sacred pace. One by one, they file in and take their places around the fire. And they wait, and wait and wait, and wait. "Oh Bother!" says Pooh. "Our High Priest is not here. However can we hold our ritual tonight?" And they wait some more. Then they hear a crash, and a crash and a crash and a crash, and out of the brush explodes the High Priest. "Wooohooohooohooo!!! Never fear! The night is clear, and Tigger's here! Tiggers run on Pagan Standard time you know! Now let the ritual begin!!!" He looks to his left, and takes rabbits hand. "Hand to hand this circle is cast" Rabbit turns to his left, to Owl. "Hand to hand, this circle is cast" Owl turns, and reaches down to Piglet. "Ahem. Now from hand to hand, in a most wonderous way, a way that has a history that stretches back into the dawn of time, to when ..." ---a series of coughs from the group--- "Oh yes. To you Piglet, hand to hand the circle is cast". Piglet turns to Eyore. "Hand to...uh....er...em." Eyore: "I don't have any hands. I guess I'm messing things up once again" he pouts Piglet, tho he is a little fellow, feels up to any challenge. "W w w w w well then, hand to ear the circle is cast my friend". And so, on it goes. "Woohoohoohoo" says Tigger. "The circle is cast, our sacred space is whole. So Mote it Be!! Whoohoo!!" "So Mote it Be" reply the others. "And now, why don't we invite the elements to join us in our celebration tonight? Rabbit?" Rabbit: Guardians of the North, Element of Earth, wonderful earth that gives forth carrots, oh beauteous, joyous, wonderful carrots, I invite you to join us in our celebration tonight. Hail, and Welcome" "Hail and Welcome" repeats the group. Owl: "Ahem!!! Guardians of the East, Element of Air, the spirit of our intelligence and wisdom, of which I of course am a prime example, well read and studious as I am, a font of knowledge as it were, the source for any information you may need, the..." ---coughing from the group once more--- "Ahem, er, yes, Element of Air, we invite you to join us tonight. Hail and Welcome". "Hail and Welcome" repeats the group. Piglet: "G g g guardians of the South, Element of Fire, I invite you to join us tonight. I know I'm a little Piglet, but I have a b b b big voice, and an even b b b bigger heart, s s so I know you' will hear m m m me. H h h h hail and Welcome" "Hail and Welcome" repeats the group. Eyore: " Oh. I guess it's my turn. Not that anyone would really listen to me, but it's my job so I'll do it. Guardians of the West, Element of Water, I suppose I should ask you to join us tonight. And I'll probably get all wet, and have to walk around all night, smelling like wet fur. Oh well, Hail and Welcome I suppose". "Hail and Welcome repeats the group. "Woohoohoohoo!!! Now, if our sister Kanga can call upon the lady?" Kanga: "Blessed Lady, Goddess of the moonlight, Mother of us all who keeps us as Joeys in the pouch of her world. Oh, now Roo, you mustn't do that. You mustn't play with the cleansing oil like that. "But Mama......" "Now Roo, behave. Thank you. Now, Blessed Mother, you know what children are like, so I'll just go ahead and invite you to join with us and lend your spirit to this joyous night. Hail and Welcome". "Woohoohoohoo!!!. The circle is cast. The Lady is with us. Aint it just grand?" Tigger raises his arms to the sky, and starts to twirl, and starts to bounce, and twirls and bounces, twirls and bounces, deosil around the circle. "Woohoohoohoo. The wonderful thing about witches, is witches is wonderful things. They dance, they prance, they clap and sing. They live a life of joy, peace and fun. But, the most wonderful thing about witches is...I AINT the only one. The wonderful thing about witches, is witches is wonderful folks. They're serious when needed, but always quick with jokes. They honor the Lord, they honor the lady. They love to lay in a field and bask in the sun, or under a tree where it's shady. But, the most wonderful thing about witches is, I AINT the only one. The wonderful thing about Witches, is Witches have wonderful souls. Their hearts will swell, they make folks well, and around campfires, stories tell. They're happy, clappy, sometimes sappy, and when they don't ground right, they're often zappy, but the most wonderful thing about Witches is........I....AINT....The.....Only.....One. Woohoohoohoohoo. Blessed Be!" "Blessed Be" repeats the group. "Oh, bother" says Pooh. "That is so silly. This is a ritual. I don't think we're supposed to be silly, are we?" "Au contraire my dear Pooh. Whoooohoooo!!!. We are willy nilly, and silly, but we are celebrating the joy in our hearts, the zest for life that we have, the energy that we share. We heal our souls with happy fun, we set our spirits free to run, we live the beauty of the moon and sun. We're Witches you know. hehe hehe. Now, please bring forth the bread, wine and honey so we can complete our blessed night". "Oh, Bother says Pooh. "The honey jar seems to be empty. I know there was some here, when I checked its taste before ritual. Where ever could it have gone? I guess I've ruined the ritual now. Oh bother, Oh whoa". "Woohoohoohoo, Christopher Robin is right you know, you really ARE a silly old bear. We're together, with each other and with the Lady. Honey would be nice I'm sure, but our ritual was good and lovely and pure. Perhaps next time tho, you could bring two jars? Woohoohoohoo!!! Now, take this cup, and take this bread, and with all being done and said, we are sisters and brothers, from last to first. May you never hunger, may you never thirst. Woohoohoohoo!!!" And so the cup is passed, and the bread to share, and not one thought given to a worldly care. "Woohoohoohoo!!! And now, let us end our Full Moon Ritual. Kanga?" Kanga: "Thank you Tigger, and for behaving yourself, thank you Roo". "Oh, Mama!!" Kanga: "Blessed Lady, we thank you for your presence with us tonight, tho like the good Mother you are, you are always with us, at least in our hearts. Go if you must, stay if you will. Hail and Farewell". "Hail and Farewell" repeats the group. Eyore: "Well, Water, I didn't think you'd come, but I guess it's nice that you did. Go if you must, and you probably will, stay if you want to. Hail and Farewell". "Hail and Farewell" repeats the group. Piglet: Element of Fire, I kn kn knew you would listen to my c c c call. Thank you for c c c coming. Go if you must, stay if you will. Hail and Farewell". "Hail and Farewell" repeats the group. Owl: "Ahem!! Element of Air, I knew that you would come, as I'm wont to know so many things, but I thank you none the less. Go if you must, stay if you will. Hail and Farewell". "Hail and Farewell" repeats the group. Rabbit: "Element of Earth, provider or carrots and cabbages and many great thing, I thank you for coming tonight. Go if you must, stay if you will. Hail and Farewell". "Hail and Farewell" repeats the group. "Woohoohoohoo. Just one more thing to do!! As hand to hand the circle was cast, or hand to ear, or ear to hand, or from me to you and you to me, it's time from hand to hand the circle set free". Tigger turns to Pooh. "Hand to hand, the circle is opened". And so in Widdershins, on it goes. "Woohoohoohoo, and now we're thru. Unlike my furniture, and many other things as well, the circle is open, yet never broken. So Mote It Be!!!" "So Mote It Be!!!" shouts the group. Tigger starts to bounce, the others to smile and look about. "Now, music laughter and dance, this is it, this is your chance. Tiggers are excellent drummers you know. Woohoohoohoo!!!!" And the sounds of drumbeats and laughter are heard all thru the night and all thru the Hundred Acre Wood. Dream Dancer 8-20-2000

Murphy's Law For Witches No spell is as easy as it looks. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a spell can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop. Every spell performed to solve a problem will breed new problems. Mother Nature is sometimes a bitch. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong; and anything that cannot possibly go wrong will also go wrong. No matter what the result of a spell, there will always be someone eager to: (a) misinterpret it. (b) fake it. (c) believe that it happened as a result of his own work. Once a Ritual is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse. Everyone has a favorite ritual or spell that will not work. As soon as you mention something ... If it's good, it goes away; if it's bad it happens. If a spell requires 'x amount' of materials, then immediately before beginning, you will discover that you only possess 'x amount-1' materials. In any formula, it will be discovered that the required amounts have been forgotten. No books are lost by lending except those you particularly want to keep. If you miss an issue of a newsletter, it will be the issue that concludes the article or ritual that you are most anxious to read. When your familiar has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom. If you drop your Athame during a rite, you will discover that you are no longer able to move your right foot. The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it's stranger than we can imagine. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. For every vision of the Goddess, there is an equal and opposite vision that negates your own vision. If you are early to a meeting, it will be Canceled ... if you are on time, it will be late. If you are late, it will have started early. The more complicated and grandiose the ritual, the greater the chance that it will fail. The more carefully you plan a ritual, the more you will resist admitting that it failed. When a lazy witch gets into trouble due to his ignoring the facts, he will imagine that his failures are caused by another's curse. The best and most effective rituals occur when you are home with the flu. You always hear about the need for a ritual or spell after that need ends. When all else fails, consult your Book of Shadows. author unknown