ya didnt have the balls for it anyway. You could care less about seeing your son or doing anything to help me. Just getting your way.
You picked someone with a history like yours. Ya know why the online thing never works....cause its too damn easy to get back online and look for something else after the first mistake. And you bring nothing real to the table... she will find that out quick enough. ONE , repeated, old fantasy isnt enough to build a relationship on. Ya should have taken your time...you may have ended up with 2 good friends. But in your haste for the new car smell, the new relationship high....you've fucked up anything real you could have had. Point one being the possessiveness that edits my comments. Since when does the slave make the rules. Doesnt it phase you that when they....all of them....know the real you..it goes to hell. ANd your going to hide from me. It's actually just what i needed. I see that you have made me distrust men sooo much id rather let you hurt me again then to even open myself up to another man. Since the beginning Ive felt there was no other man for me. ANd now I see that isnt true. I see how you've hurt DM and how he only wanted loyalty. ANd there are men out there that can fill my fantasies. I just have to let you go. I raise the child...i do all the work. There is nothing you did for me here, nothing you gave me... there would never be any peace. Thanks... How angry ive been with you...all these years. It's time to just say goodbye.
I have my goals. I see my path and it doesnt include saving you anymore. Dont cry to me... thats all you ever did. My love was based on sympathy for you...on lies you told. Poor Larry. He woke up one day after he turned 30 and realized his life was shit. He had nothing... Overlooking his family ofcourse. Larry remakes himself to hide the pain. He is what you need, exactly what will endear him to you. But none of it is real. His "open" parents didnt give a shit and he learned to manipulate people. But he doesnt know who he is...he doesnt like what he sees...and only through the adoring eyes of a cyber attention whore does he begin to feel whole. But nothing is REAL. ANd when you bring Larry into your home and try to make his "wishes" come true. It falls away...because they were your wishes and Larry is never happy and he is online again talking to someone new, even though you did everything right. Because you see the real person now and he isnt charming and wealthy and talented. He is sitting on your couch, out of work, smelling like funky corn chips, while you pay the bills and buy him food , clothing, cigarettes and beer,He needs someone else's vision of him. Of all his pictures, he needs thier attention to make him real again. MAke him something new. Make him something other then the loser he is. I thought I could do that. I thought the world misjudged this man. All he needed was a good woman's love and the spice i liked on the side. I was wrong. ANd so are you if you think you can change any man. ANd it will never be anyone reading this that changes LArry. You will just be another email folder with pictures and emails and things he can smile and look back on. One among many. Because he can never be real. That would mean taking a chance. Taking a job. Trusting someone outside of a bedroom or monitor. And I dont think he has it in him. ANd no one can tell you...you must live it and find out on your own.
((blog))
--
~S~
