I got a really bad phone call this morning. Telling me that a friend that i have been friends with for almost 20 yrs.(im 26 met them in grade school) Was killed. Ah...... im.......im not sure what to say or do at the moment. Im still in shock about it. Here i am almost 27 and it finally dawns on me just how precious our time here really is. You would think me being a military daughter and having to deal with death of my brother (yrs ago)and family and friends that i would have come to that conclusion sooner. But i guess it just takes time and certain things for reality to set in. I dont know i really dont. Since august of last year it seems that everytime i turn around someone in my life is being taken away from me permanently. And i want to say it aint fair and pitch a fit about it and kick and scream. But if i were to do that it wouldnt bring them back and it wouldnt make me feel any better. And everyone would think that i was a freaking loon. I had talked to this friend a few days ago and told them how my life was going and about this man thats in my life (my boyfriend) and everything was ok. After i got that call and they told me what had happened i sat there for the longest time and didnt say a word or move. And then i got to thinking about everything we had talked about and it was as though they were saying their good-byes to me like they knew something was gonna happen. I wish i had caught on to that sooner maybe just maybe i couldve said or done something and they would still be here. I dont know if any of this makes sense to anyone but i have all this held inside and i cant keep it bottled up i have to get it out. But i am glad that i got to talk to them. But i still feel like i couldve done something if i had caught it sooner. And i think ill always think that. Im sure you have people in your life that you love dearly and care about. So take the time to say hello to them and tell them just how much you appreciate them and love them. Because they may not be here a day from now or an hr or 10 minutes. Life has a mind of its own is not fair. So just take the time and let them know please.
With all this being said i probably wont be on here much except to check messages or reply to things. But if im on here and you say something to me and i dont respond within the 1st 5 or 10 minutes please please please dont get mad and go off on me. Ill reply eventually i promise.
May 30th 2008
