Saying goodbye and letting go is so hard, but it has to be done, and I am only holding myself back. I’m trying to do so much to get it all out of my mind, but it’s just not working. I’m holding on and I just don’t know how to truly let go. I want to be happy on my own, but I’m not. I have yet to find my true passion, so I am doing everything. My tri is next week. I have worked so hard and am going to do something I never thought I could do… so why do I feel like it’s really not that big of a deal? I want someone to share it with. To share everything with. I’ve never had so much time to really work on myself and my life… and I just don’t like it. I miss having someone there. I’d rather worry about someone else than myself… Tears flow at weird times and I can really be in a room full of people and feel so very alone. I know I have a lot of people that are willing to listen, but I want that one person that I can count on all the time, besides my mom. Someone who will come see me at 2 in the morning, any morning, when I’m sad or just bored. I haven’t had that in so long… even though I’ve only been single for the past couple months, I’ve been missing that for the last year and ½, I just pretended I still had it for awhile because it was safer that way, or at least felt like it. It was still consistent, even if it was consistently bad. I’d honestly rather still be in the same place that I was, there was still some comfort. I have come a long way since the break-up, and I will never let another person treat me that way again. I am a much stronger person, healthier. I’ve proved to myself that I can do a lot more than anyone thought I could, and that I do have a lot of good qualities and infinite potential. I’m also at a point where I can do so much more for myself than I ever thought possible, although I still want to be treated like a princess. I don’t really like where my present has been leading me, so I’ve started exploring my past… maybe there is something I missed out on. I’m trying to follow my bliss; I just can’t seem to find it…
*nirvana*
