why does my past haunt me so much!? i haven't thought about certain things in a really long time so i have no clue as to why now of all the times, my fucking past is haunting me. I have talked to this certain person and told the person what all the shit has done to me. the person apologized perfusely and i believe when they say that they are truely sorry for what happened. I just want the past to go the fuck away! i have tried talking to professionals about it and tried medications to help me sleep, but NOTHING, and i mean NOTHING, works.
and now i am being haunted by my best friends death. he was killed in iraq on my wedding day. I'm constantly beating myself up over it. i had made him a promise that i wouldn't get married again without him present. well, i broke that promise. and his and my biggest pet peeve is broken promises. anyone who knows me knows that i never make promises unless i can keep them. well, look what fucking happened when i broke a damn promise!! I need him around so fucking badly right now. i feel like i have not only let him down, but his wife and all other who cared about him. I FUCKING NEED YOU HERE JOHN!!!
DAMNIT JOHN!!! WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO BREAK THE PROMISE!!! IF I DIDN'T YOU WOULD STILL BE AROUND TODAY AND I COULD CALL YOU UP AND TALK TO YOU!!
I will see you soon Brotha Fox. I know I will. I feel it in my soul and my heart. I love you Babydoll, you fuckin shit!
