This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute, beautiful, smart, funny, sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moments; because they know most girls need that kind of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern, with emotional souls, and with broken hearts. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her needs.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage of them, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the overly horny male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always get up even though everyone knocks them down, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who give there hearts and souls only to receive a emotional thrashing, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 20 drunken messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly uttering two phrases: all guys are assholes and her life is miserable. And even though you know she is a spoiled princess with a great life and that she has a nice guy right on the line, you talk for hours to convince her that it will all be okay. This is for that time she interrupted the best score you’d ever orchestrated on War craft III to rant about a rumor that made her look bad and had people calling her a slut. And even though you thought it was immature and you had no real proof it was a rumor and not true, you logged off battle.net with a loss just to help her concoct a plan to regain her former glory while taking down those responsible. This is for the time you finally told her you liked her only to be shot down and then come to find out months later from her friend that she really does like you but that you are "too" nice. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we’re just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the other guys often reap the fruits of the labor you do. And I wish there was a logical explanation this trend, but I'm afraid there isn't. From what I have seen on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can come up with is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches, but this is not their fault, society makes them that way. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he’s too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!" or "he is too good for me" or "he knows too much about me" or "he is like my brother" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to complain about the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say they want (I want a nice guy!) and what they go and do (I’m going to sleep with this complete asshole now!). But one thing I can do is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought (usually about the time they want to get married) and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding one of those girls sooner than later, and even trickier, finding the ones that aren't either taken by another nice guy or inescapably attached to an asshole.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile, your seemingly endless supply of undeserved compliments, your willingness to do all the work for none of the glory, your impeccable morals, and your bleeding heart. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming, although I cannot say when.
