Swoop's blog: "Newer Junk"

The Only Gift so there was this confession a product of too much time taken too much you asked for unanswered there was this night when the walls melted around a still frost bitten heart and a love letter was born beyond a page of exposure where hope carried the weary too much, too late the best that could be given to show you the tears and dreams of the heart but you were already gone left with the angry shouting memories of a lifetime of mistakes and the hollow that was breifly filled in our moments of peace so there was this confession now a broken heart love letter because love is broken as always that was the only gift that had meaning Into The Night one night in your sleep there was a whisper a dirty secret that journeyed from weary lips to deaf ears didn't hear as she drove into the night with everything on the heart that you would be or were in the midst of disappointment as that was her craft and that she would pay the price for you to find love when you were ready to have the family in your dreams become reality someday with someone right that she would pay the price of love for the sake of your peace of mind and heart you didn't hear as she drove off that all she wanted was a tiny place somewhere in the life you built with a soldier's blood sweat and tears as the blocks that would build a dream you didn't hear in that night when you told her to go and set her aside as a part of your past but it's still real the fairy tale gone wrong that you'll walk from never knowing that the last of a loving heart goes with you

How Much is this Illusion is this the eclipse of a cruel and jagged conscious the blinding light of feeling that could be reality or the revulsion of a tired mind a too used heart a dying soul the desperation to be just held by you in another moment where we were happy together come back and end this silence that eats a vacuous heart

Back to Broken in love with a stone cold heart that can, but won't give starving to fit the mold you require dying before you and lost in the blue so share with me this last new year before i go because i can be a lover without the torture of "i love you" i can be that girl with no heart left i can be what was coming before you did broken as love and life have made dead and into the blue but safe from the hell that is love

Nothing Left nothing left to lose but the pieces of a too broken mind lose it to any darkness live in the cloud that drowns and be what you are too far gone to love just wanted to stay to live forever in your shadow it was enough to be the tearing continues cutting deeper in the absense and nothing is worth this Too Much headed for the end and losing my grip is this the sound of insanity? will the quiet return some day will i ever get it right love the right way touch the right person be the right person running dry

Don't Feel i hope your moments are full when i'm here and you're there that there are never cold embraces of the dark and another day apart won't wear you down that you don't miss the touches or breif laughter that you don't roll over and reach or think of things to say that you don't turn and see me not standing there that you're fine with where you've put me far from your reach that you don't feel it the way i do Replace walk around and pretend it's all the same drink away the pain pretend i don't matter that there are no needs reach for the numb you crave push everyone away because alone you can do what you will to murder your body and soul make anger your lover and replace me with it again tonight

How Can This Be press on me in the way you will cut with the words to trim the parts you don't like make me pretend to be comfortable to feel fine because it satisfys your requirements walk away when things don't work hide from me in your anger divided the wars that fire in my soul in your sleeping hours have to stop because you can't stand it and hate me for adapting impossible creation, this thought of love

As You Are what was i to you but a passing fool when what is left turns bitter where will you be gone from these moments as you are now excellent absintee careless to consider and perhaps this is what was missed that there is no reason for you to want to be here in this tired life with these rediculous restraints that loyalty and love is not what you desire that it just isn't enough to bear the discomfort of inconvenience what was i to you but a passing fool in an empty world

In the Morning holding yourself you're so far, so stable so cold and gone and i'm not a reason to believe to hope or feel time to face the truth when the morning comes 'let it go, let it go' the voice inside screams because the shame is more honest than the lies of the moment it was safer than drowning in weakness and sorrow guess i was on the wrong side of it all ashamed of this inadequacy if i see me as you do will it be what breaks me down to love the tragic and hate the weak how can goodbye hurt so much from such a short remembrance Tell Me why couldn't you hold me for a moment or just be just be so tell me since you're the pro is there a cliche psychology to cut out these aching needs to stop these thoughts that haunt and tear before they wear me down should i cut, or starve, or bleed, or race...?

Accept the Sickness there is a cold tonight that settles in an aching breaking heart an unwanted knowledge that peace will never last and love can not stay true weary, wounded by neglect and poor choices will slide the regretted acceptance back to where it was at first touch so returns the greatest enemy of confidence and faith returns the knowledge that there should be no more last chances and alone is a permanent state of being so cliche that it nauseates be alone or be dead Impossible Questions where is the end of this diminuendo? when the heart stops racing for the moment that won't arrive the sickness of the soul is accepted or expunged where is the end of the attempts the wasting away over the impossible the acceptance of defeat by too stubborn a will who wins in the end when the cynical were right?

Gone For Good and Evil this not the way to win a fragile trust stubborn will against stubborn fear you won't come back just lie here reaching in the dark wondering foreign thoughts that betray a sorry heart weakness turns the stomach so many wrong choices are so easy and you're not coming back Yours Were not the Only Tears did you know that there were tears shed on that night of alcohol and pain when you asked for company as you died and on the carpet where you bled did you know that there was silent shaking to hide from you the tearing because love won't heal this heartbreak in the making