1419913's blog: "blogs"

dear bloggy,

so i use to write in a blog everyday on myspace but now i dont like myspace and the last time i was on it wwas a year ago i need a new place to write to so i picked my beloved fubar.

so today wasnt that bad i had a final at 10 and of course i woke up at 10.... so we were suspost to do presentations then take a test but we ran out of time and the teacher didnt give us the test! which was supper sweet because i didnt study that hard. i have 3 finals tomorrow which they will all be easy.

then i need to pack and get away from the dorms which sucks becausei  have to take the fish with me. i dont know where to take him. and i dont want to go home for xmasbecause my dad was a super dick last tiem i was at my house here is the story:

9:47 am i get 2 corn dogs out of the package my dads like how much do u weigh and im like 263... hes like u should be down to 200 and im like yeah it doesnt happen in a week. then hes like i know. hes like u shouldnt be eafting that and i was like well i have to get to work at 11 and i wont have time to get breakfest or lunch break and my dinner is at 4:30 and hes like u should eat a piece of toast and im like thats not going to hold me till then. so i was like fine i wont eat so i walked away and got into my room and got all my sister ready and left.

10:00 im walking out i say bye... and my dads like wait what time will u be home i say 6 or 7 i dont know im on call. then hes like stop being childish and come eat. im like no i dont have time now i have to be at work at 11. then hes like ur running around here being childish and ur mom needs to go to the hospital. and i was like dad whatever just call me fat because really i dont care then hes like ur fat! and i slam the door.

it really upsets me to know my dad doesnt love me because im 5'11 and 265 he isnt skinny either. but hes nice to my sister who has 5 kids! its like where does it matter how much i weigh im not living off of u im on my own i got a 3.7 gpa and yet he doesnt think anything is good enough unless im on my death bed weighing 100 pounds with feeding tubes running out of  me it makes me sick just to know that im not good and losing the 30 pounds wasnt good enough for him. i wish i could just run away and leave everything in the past. some might say that is any easy task. but not when it is so mentally in ur head to know u will never be good enough and always fat. he has verbal abused my mom for so long it hurts me to even look at my mom to know  shes in pain from all these. sometimes i just want to run and do drugs to avoid the pain but life isnt that easy and drugs arent that cheap. i dont want to look weak either having to do to the doctor to tell them i am depressed makes me feel week like i cant live a normal life like everyone else. i hate the people who live off the state for bull shit "illness" i dont want to be one of those people.

anyhow i will be drinkng thursday so im pretty stoked...

anyone can commit on my blogs and say whatever u want i like when people read them ....

love,

ruthie