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So much has changed since the last time I've come here. So many new gizmo's to check out in my free time. Believe it or not, being an artist is time consuming, and though I love to be artsy, Im looking forward to finding real good paying work. I found my dad in June or this year, it's been 10-12 years since I had last seen or talked to him. We lost each other, and in some kind of miracle or cowinky-dink, we found each other once again. I never knew how much like him I really am. And its awesome. Ill be moving up to Pennsylvania this month! Yay!
My son is almost 2. I cant believe how fast he's growing up! But thats so creepy is he reminds me most of someone he's never met, and not related too. Is that suppose to happen? I remember the days when he couldnt walk, and rubber duckies re the highlight of his day, but now...its CARS! "At two?" I think. I thought cars weren't supposed to be a big deal until a few years before he was able to drive. But no! He must have them all of them, he must take them apart and put them together and make them go faster! Its so awesome. I love my little monster!
Meeting up with my dad, and this whole family thing is amazing. I never thought I could have something like this. But the one thing I don't think I'm ever going to get is married. Even though one day I'd love to! Though I'm technically engaged now, all it takes is a piece of straw to break the camels back. We've been off and on so much the past 3 years, I'm honestly tiring of making things work. It'd be nice to wear a skirt in the relationship once in a while. Of course the only person I've ever dated that had a brain, and the will to be independent or take control was also too stubborn to settle down. But why would he. We were young.
I think of him a lot actually. More then I let anyone know, and probably more then I should for someone I haven't seen in years, barely talk to, and well... other things. But I cant help but still care, and all that mushy stuff. Stupid me for still feeling ways I shouldn't. They probably are not mutual whatsoever. Go figure, probably the one person that knows me the best, and the only person I can really relate too - I can't really "talk" too. Why does life have to be such a secret?
Anywho, had a lot on my mind, and it seems this is the only place I can write it down without someone breathing down my neck or peaking over at my screen. EVen though I really still can't write everything . . .cause yeah, big fucking box of worms there! hah!
Off to my dreaming ZzzzZZ!
