getclosARR's blog: "Mylene"

So once upon a time lived a little girl. And once upon a time, that little girl had dreams. She went to see a ballet with her mom when she was really young. And fell in love. So she started taking dancing lessons. As her teacher saw her potential, she started pushing the little girl more and more and more. But she wasn't strong enough and couldn't handle the pressure anymore. She came home crying and told her mom "I want to quit" The girl never touched her ballet shoes again. To cheer her up, her mom took her to see a figure skating show. And fell in love. One of her friends was taking lessons so she asked her to teach her a few moves. She was a fast learner. Winter was almost over and she couldn't practice outdoors anymore. So she asked her parents to take lessons "Too expensive" they said The girl never touched her ice skates again. To make it up to her, they asked her if she wanted to take art classes instead. She loved to draw and create so she accepted. Teacher's favorite. She lost herself into art. She decided to participate to the school's drawing contest to win a year free of painting classes. She won and appeared into the local newspaper. She devoted herself to painting for many years. But the school stopped giving the classes. And her parents didn't want to search for a new school and forced her to quit. The girl never touched her paint brushes again. But she kept on drawing. When it was time to choose a program in college, the girl said "I want to be a cartoonist!" So she applied, passed the entrance test and got accepted. She was so happy. She was sure that it was her path. But as the months passed by, she realized that she was wrong. Then again she couldn't handle the pressure. She ended up leaving college. The girl barely touched a pencil after that. The girl doesn't draw at all anymore now. It took her 3 years to find another interest. She woke up one morning and said out loud "I want to be a makeup artist" She called her dad and asked him if he could lend her $2000 She called the school right after to register She started her classes two days later. Teacher's favorite She was the best. She was happy. She was sure that this was the right path. The girl is barely touching her makeup brushes anymore. Is history repeating itself? If you ever see that girl With stars in her eyes, or with a blank look Watching ballet, ice skating or artists painting/drawing So lost in thoughts Looking happy and sad both at the same time Don't wonder why. She's dreaming Of a life she could had lived. Of a life that will never be hers.

dear life It's been a while since i wrote something meaningful, to me. I really didn't feel the need to, not that I feel the need to right now, there are just some things i am not scared to say anymore. When I look back at the past, yes I do see darkness, I see a little girl shivering in her room at night, wondering why she's alive. A little girl who was hiding all her pain behind fake smiles and crazy attitude, telling lies after lies after lies only to hide her own truth. I see her making herself throw up to be thinner, i see her parents fighting and yelling and her being torn between the two. I see her waking up on the floor in her puke after she tried to take her life, I see her at the other side of the country with a guy in bed with her, pleading him to stop, her voice shaking, her heart racing, her eyes filled with fear. I see one of her dearest friend die. I see her driving friends away when they were getting too close to her. I see her being afraid of love, of friendship, of anything that could imply an attachment. I see her dreams crumbling down, her love for art disappear, the one thing she said to cherish for the rest of her life, vanish. I see her being alone. Years passed, and this little girl became "a woman". A young woman with what she used to call "her dark secrets". A young woman called Mylene. Nop, no more talking in the third-person. I've learn a lot in my life. If I had to redo it, now i can honestly say that i would take all the same choices, I wouldn't change a single thing. Because now I know there is more than that, I know every single little thing that happened in the past are a part of me, and the reason of who I am now. And I wouldn't want to be anyone else, ever. I do believe in heaven, and this, right now, this present moment, is a little piece of heaven to me. Life gave me more than I could have ever hoped for. Life gave me talent, in everything I would undertake. Beauty, and the gift to see beauty for what it really is, and not for what it looks like. Life trials, no matter how hard they were, they made me stronger. Wonderful friends, who I know will stick around till our very last breath, Jess, Laurence, Laurie, Sei and Yuri. Though life didn't give me self-confidence, by doing so, it gave me a challenge. To every bad side, there is a good side. And to every day spent on this Earth, there is me, making the best out of it. this, now, is who i am and hope to be for the rest of my life dear life, i love you